


Breakroom Heartthrob

by meiyouzhangjing



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Flirting, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-05-08 00:59:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14683172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meiyouzhangjing/pseuds/meiyouzhangjing
Summary: Yanjun's flirting around the office was never a problem for Zhangjing. That is, until it was directed at him.





	1. Chapter One

**** The break room is busy like always when Zhangjing walks inside. The interns gather like flies around the coffee machine to gossip. The corners of Zhangjing’s lips curl into a smile as he silently steps over to the fridge to grab his lunch. “I’m telling you, their purpose is to make my life a living hell,” Linkai leans back against the counter, totally ignoring the mug in his hands in favor of complaining about his superiors. Chencheng ignores him in favor of topping off the pretzel pyramid he was building with Linong. The later is a bit more kind, offering the shorter man a sympathetic smile. Zhangjing seats himself as Linong shrugs his shoulders. It was an unspoken rule around the office that the interns weren’t allowed to use the tables on their breaks. They wouldn’t get in trouble per say if they used them, but those in charge of them would definitely assign them with a difficult task if they were caught. 

 

“You know, when I first started working here, I thought that Yueyue was nice. I think Bufan pressured him into bullying me with him. They’re awful, I swear to god. I have to hide in the bathroom in order to get a break around here.” Linkai scoffs and finally takes a break from talking to take a sip from his lukewarm coffee. Grimacing, the man decides to set the mug down on the table. Oh well, he didn’t really come here for coffee anyway. “I don’t know,” Linong looks up from the counter to grab an orange sitting by the sink, “Kunkun and I get along pretty well.” The men beside him widen their eyes. Linkai guffaws, almost knocking his mug down in the process. Trying (barely) to hold back his laughter, Chengcheng’s eyes fill with mirth. “Did you really just call Cai Xukun ‘Kunkun’?” the man asks, raising a judgmental eyebrow. Meanwhile, Zhangjing is chewing his carrots quietly, trying not to seem like he’s incredibly invested in this conversation. “The only reason you two get along is because you have a big fat crush on him. Xukun could legit order you to go deep-sea diving because he’s craving fish and you’d do it for him,” Linkai rolls his eyes, but smirks when he sees Linong blushing. 

 

“No! It’s not that! I just really think he’s a good worker and he’s nice and will buy me lunch sometimes and he makes sure he doesn’t leave too much work for me to-“ Linong is cut off by Linkai, who is flicking Chengcheng’s head for hogging the pretzels. “Relax ‘Nongnong’. I was just joking. The fact that you’re getting so defensive makes me think that there’s some truth to what I said.” Linong destroys his and Chengcheng’s creation in his flustered attempt at denying everything “No! I swear I don’t have a crush on him! I just think-“ Just then, Yanjun stalks into the room with Ziyi and Chaoze at his side. Zhangjing, happy to be around people his age, waves them over with a bright smile on his lips. Yanjun and Chaoze sit down; however, Ziyi walks over to watch something on Linkai’s cellphone. 

 

Chaoze leans back in his chair and closes his eyes, placing his hands behind his head. “Someone needs to turn down the temperature, it’s making me all hot and sweaty,“ he speaks absentmindedly, tugging at the collar of his shirt and kicking his feet up on the table. Zhangjing scrunches up his nose, of course, because they all eat there. Yanjun, however, has a different reaction. “I know what else can make you hot and sweaty,“ he responds, a shit-eating grin forming on his face. Both Chaoze and Zhangjing gag, the former looking ready to punch Yanjun in the face. Of course, they expected Yanjun to flirt at this point, but that didn’t make it any less disgusting. 

 

“Yanjun, you don’t really expect your flirting to work on anyone, do you? No one would fall for that,” Zhangjing teases before popping a grape into his mouth. Before Yanjun has time for a retort, Mr. Zhang walks in, sighing when he sees everyone, “Is this why it seems so quiet out there? Why does everyone take their breaks at once? All you guys want to do is socialize. I swear I should make a limit to how many people can be in here at once...” The boss shakes his head and mumbles to himself before leaving. 

 

Feeling a bit guilty, Zhangjing decides to finish up his lunch quickly. Mr. Zhang could get a bit scary when he was grumpy or disappointed in his employees. Too focused on his food, Zhangjing didn’t notice the thoughtful look Yanjun directed at him. A smirk tugged at the corner of the younger man’s mouth as he stood up and stretched. “Zhangjing, walk back to my desk with me, I have some documents I want to go over with you,” Yanjun pulled Zhangjing’s chair back so that he was forced away from the table. “But I haven’t finished eating yet,” Zhangjing protested, a pout forming on his lips. “I’ll take you out after work or something,” Yanjun offered, which seemed to be reasonable enough for the older man. As the two walked out to their neighboring cubicles, Yanjun placed a hand on the small of Zhangjing’s back. Of course, that behavior wasn’t too unusual for Yanjun, but Zhangjing had a feeling something was up…


	2. Chapter Two

When Zhangjing got home that night, he noted that there was something off about Yanjun’s behavior for the entire afternoon. Nothing was too strange, but the man was just a bit more affectionate than usual (if that’s even possible). Feeling a bit exhausted after work, Zhangjing turned down Yanjun’s offer to treat him to dinner. In response, the younger man just smiled and said that he’d have to take him out another time, which is strange. _Why would Yanjun offer to spend money on him when he didn’t have to?_ That wasn’t like him at all. Zhangjing was older, so usually it was his job to pay for the both of them if the situation called for it. “Whatever,” Zhangjing sighed to himself, changing in to his pajamas before crawling into bed. Yanjun would be back to normal by tomorrow.

 

The next day, Zhangjing shuffles through the main doors rubbing his eyes to try and rub the sleep from them. As he yawns and shakes his head to try and force himself awake, he can see the receptionist judge him out of the corner of his eye. Frowning, he maneuvers his body towards the elevator where he is accompanied by Zhu Zhengting. “Morning,” he greets the man with a curt nod, pushing the button for the third floor. Usually, he’d be a bit more friendly, but he hadn’t had his coffee yet and was already running low on fumes. Just as the doors are about to close, a palm slams between them and pries them open. Soon, a dimpled man is revealed, radiating off a refreshing aura towards the otherwise dreary elevator. “Hi~” Yanjun almost sings, seeming a bit too excited at the start of his work day. “Hi,” Zhangjing can’t help but smile, yet raises an eyebrow when his best friend decides to stand _right_ beside him. Sure, it wasn’t the largest space, but three people didn’t really classify it as being full enough to warrant the invasion of personal space. They stop at the second floor and Zhangjing almost walks out before he realizes that this isn’t their stop. A woman steps inside and Zhangjing would have judged her for using the elevator to go up one floor, but her heels seem impossible to walk in so he lets it slide in his mind. Unfortunately, the addition of one other person somehow causes Yanjun to scoot even closer, practically pinning him against the wall. While Zhangjing, for obvious reasons, was uncomfortable and disgruntled, Yanjun appeared to be grinning ( _smirking?_ ) like he had no issue with it. Oh well, the situation isn’t entirely bad. Yanjun at least smells good. _Is he using a new cologne?_

 

Once their ride finally comes to an end, the foursome exit the elevator. Zhangjing’s mood is instantly improved by the fact that he can now breathe properly. For some reason deciding to actually be a decent employee, Yanjun promptly grabs his hand and drags him over to clock in (Mr. Zhang always stresses the importance of punctuality in a workplace). After doing so, Zhangjing turns around and sees his life flash before his eyes as he almost runs straight into ~~a giant~~ Mu Ziyang. Thinking quickly, Yanjun grabs Zhangjing’s shoulder and pulls him close to his body, just barely acting in time to prevent a collision. “Oh my god,” Zhangjing holds his hand to his chest and spaces out a bit as he waits for his heart to calm down. When a few more seconds pass and Yanjun doesn’t let go of him, Zhangjing’s face flushes slightly and he steps away, letting out a slight cough.

 

For about an hour, nothing out of the ordinary happens. However, just as Zhangjing is about to finish ~~an intense game of solitaire~~ typing up an important document, Yanjun ushers him over to his cubicle. “What is it? I’m busy,” Zhangjing folds his arms over his chest and stands with a defiant look on his face. “I need help with the layout of this makeup ad. I think the text is in the wrong place and the kerning is all wonky,” Yanjun complains, resting his cheek against his palm and jutting out his lower lip. Zhangjing’s heart (for some reason), does a little flip upon seeing this and he quickly agrees to help. While finishing up their conversation, Zhangjing points out one of the models, “The brunette is pretty.” “Yeah, her eyes are really gorgeous,” Yanjun agrees, then glances to the side to inspect Zhangjing’s face, “They look like yours.” The man bats his eyelashes in what Zhangjing thinks is faux innocence. He can tell something is up, but can’t pinpoint exactly what it is. Either way, his cheeks heat up a little at the indirect compliment.

 

At around one, the duo shut off their monitors and get up from their desks to take their breaks. Usually, the younger of the two arrives in the breakroom a little later (their coworkers always wanted to talk to him about something which honestly made Zhangjing a bit jealous); however, this time Yanjun walks straight there with him.

 

The two are alone, which should make the situation more comfortable. Zhangjing didn’t typically like large groups of people since they tended to make him feel lonely, thought he wished for one now. Yanjun’s weird behavior had set him a bit on edge. Maybe he’ll feel better after some coffee? As he pours some into his mug (a gift Mr. Zhang had granted all of his employees at last year’s Christmas party), Zhangjing accidentally spills some on himself, burning his finger in the process. Yanjun swiftly jumps to his aid, grabbing his hand and leading it to the faucet where he runs some cool water over the skin. “Are you okay?” he inquires, seeming genuinely concerned. “Yeah, I’m fine. It just stings a little,” Zhangjing feels touched by Yanjun’s reaction, but that feeling would only last for so long.

 

Yanjun lifts Zhangjing’s finger to his lips and plants a gentle kiss. Zhangjing blushes and immediately pulls his hand away. “What are you doing?” he questions, cheeks starting to burn.

“I was trying to kiss it better,” Yanjun explains, a charming smile on his lips. That’s when Zhangjing notices. The amused glint in Yanjun’s eyes and the lip caught in between two rows of teeth, holding in a chuckle. Now he gets it. Yanjun is flirting with him to embarrass him. If Zhangjing falls for it, Yanjun will tease him until the day he dies.

 

Zhangjing knows what he must do. He can’t let Yanjun win. And so, he simply pulls his finger away and started to clean up his spilt coffee with a roll of paper towels. “Eh, it didn’t really hurt that bad to begin with,” he shrugs, praying that the blush on his cheeks has dissipated by now. Yanjun was obviously a bit discouraged, judging by the frown on his lips.

 

The two eventually leave the counter to to sit down at the table. As soon as Zhangjing opens his lunch to start eating, Yanjun decided it would be a good idea to stick his chopsticks forward and grab his food. “Um? I never said I was sharing,” Zhangjing glared at the man. If he couldn’t protect his pride, he could at least protect his food. Suddenly, Zhangjing feels the food press against his lips. “I’m feeding you,” Yanjun explains, a serious look on his face, “Since you hurt your hand.” “I never asked for your help,” Zhangjing retorts, but accepts his fate. If he gets too worked up about it, then that would give Yanjun more fuel to tease him. Despite his annoyance at the situation, Zhangjing’s heart skips a beat when Yanjun leans close to clean his lips with a napkin.

 

They are fortunately (unfortunately?) interrupted when Linong enters. “Am I interrupting something?” the intern questions, practically beaming (because when was he not?). “Uhhh, no,” Zhangjing pulls away, wanting to die. His cheeks are practically on fire at this point and he isn’t looking, but he knows Yanjun has a satisfied smirk on his face. “Okay cool, because I have something to talk to you guys about,” ~~the sun~~ Linong explains, looking eagerly between the two men as he sits down. He sends Zhangjing a knowing look, which makes him want to die even more. Why did he have to walk in at that specific moment?!

 

Trying desperately to come up with a way to make Linong leave, Zhangjing puts a hand on the back of the intern’s chair and says, “Hey, aren’t interns supposed to be standing?” Linong pouts at him and starts to get out of his seat, but Yanjun pulls him back down. “Come on Zhangjing, don’t be so mean. Why can’t he sit? It’s not like anyone else is here with us at the table,” Yanjun explains with a friendly arm around Linong’s shoulder. “Well, it looks like you guys were having a private moment, so I don’t mind leaving if you want-” He starts to stand once again, but Zhangjing is quick to stop him. “No! No we weren’t it’s okay!” He interjects, eyes growing wide, “Go ahead and say what you wanted to say…”

 

“Oh, um well so Xukun’s birthday is tomorrow and I was wondering what I should get him,” Linong explains, twiddling his thumbs as he rests his hands on the table. While Zhangjing wasn’t particularly found of Linong at the moment, this makes him smile along with Yanjun. “I mean, money is pretty easy. I’d just give him that,” Zhangjing suggests, now starting to eat his food on his own. “I want it to be more personal than that. If I give him money, then it might seem like I thought of his present last minute,” Linong groans, laying his face down on the table. “But aren’t you thinking of it last minute?” Yanjun pipes up, causing Linong to glare at him. “Why don’t you get him some flowers? That might be something he might not expect,” Zhangjing suggests, tilting his head in thought. “I mean I’d like to receive something like that. It’d be nice,” He says, then immediately regrets when he sees a glint in Yanjun’s eyes.

 

“Good idea!” Linong brightens up and pats Zhangjing’s back, “I’ll do that! Thank you Zhangjing!” The intern rises to his feet and heads for the door, leaving Zhangjing to suffer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on the third chapter tonight, so it should be up tomorrow! Feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you think so far! I know it's a bit slow right now, but I have more interesting things coming up!


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *For those of you who don't know, “因为你是我的菜。” Means "because you are my type" and "because you are my vegetable" in Chinese. Yanjun used it as a pun in one of the Idol Producer episodes, but I wanted to explain it here in case anyone forgot! Anyway, enjoy reading! I hope you guys like it!

Yanjun hadn’t made many attempts to approach him since lunch yesterday, but Zhangjing was still on his toes. He wonders briefly if Yanjun had given up after realizing that his teasing won’t phase him, but the fleeting idea wasn’t enough to make Zhangjing relax. Realistically, Yanjun wouldn’t quit bothering him until he reached his goal, whatever that was. The man was stubborn like that and while Zhangjing usually admires his tenacity, it wasn’t a pleasant trait in this circumstance. He had to give props to his friend for keeping this up for so long though. If Yanjun’s weird methods of flirting failed him (and they did, every time), he would usually move on to a new victim. For some reason, Yanjun decided to stick with bothering him even if he had obviously been rejected. Zhangjing assumed it might have been due to the fact that they were best friends. Yanjun was less afraid of making him uncomfortable that anyone else. Most people would get tired of Yanjun’s relentlessness, but Zhangjing would never get legitimately angry at his friend. Even if Yanjun was annoying as fuck sometimes, he was the closest friend Zhangjing ever had. Zhangjing wouldn’t let some stupid prank (?) prevent him from hanging out with and talking to Yanjun, no matter how aggravating it was.

Zhangjing predicts that his patience may be tested soon, however. Yesterday, Yanjun had been carrying around a notepad around the office jotting down notes every once in a while. Zhangjing was curious as to what could have him feeling so inspired, but he knew it probably had something to do with being obnoxious like he had been earlier. Zhangjing tried to sneak a peek at the paper, but Yanjun caught him staring. With a suspicious look on his face, the man held the notepad close to his chest for the remainder of the day, not allowing his writing to be exposed to Zhangjing’s curious gaze.

 

* * *

 

When Zhangjing walks in to work, he’s on guard. Not knowing when Yanjun will “attack” next leaves him in fight or flight mode and he can’t help but feel jittery as he approaches his cubicle. Yanjun has quite obviously been been waiting for him, if his sudden change in demeanor is anything to go by. An impish smile on morphs the man’s lips as Zhangjing takes his seat, dropping his satchel to the floor beside him. _This doesn’t look good,_ Zhangjing decides, reluctantly saying “hi” to his friend and giving him a short wave before logging into his computer. The man tries his hardest to focus on nothing but his computer screen, toes already curled in anticipation as he waits for Yanjun to do something. He was hoping Yanjun would give him a break, but out of the corner of his eye, he can see the man already trying to get his attention.

“Zhangjing,” Yanjun starts and Zhangjing already regrets not calling in sick this morning. He closes his eyes and lets out a gentle sigh. He’d like to take advantage of the few moments of peace he’s get today, so he tries to prolong the inevitable. When he knows he has stalled long enough, Zhangjing finally acknowledges Yanjun, an apprehensive look on his face. “Yes?” the older man turns back to his friend and blinks, wondering what the other could possibly have in store for him. “Would it be alright if I took a picture of you?” Yanjun asks, though he’s already fishing his phone out of his pocket. They weren’t allowed to have their phones out while working, but no one really cared about that rule unless Mr. Zhang was around. “Uh…sure, I guess,” Zhangjing combs his fingers through his hair to fix it, then spins in his chair to face Yanjun completely. He would honestly rather die than have his picture taken right now, but he decides to just get it over with. “May I ask why?” Zhangjing questions, awkwardly throwing up a peace sign. Before he gets an answer, Yanjun snaps a photo, eyes practically sparkling. “I want to show Santa what I want for Christmas,” the man explains, looking entirely too satisfied afterwards. There is a pause where Zhangjing doesn’t react, still trying to process what just happened. When he does, the man groans, wanting to slam his head against his desk. “Oh my god, you’re disgusting,” Zhangjing’s groans are drowned out by the sound of his friend laughing. “Give me your phone. I’m deleting that right now,” he commands, though already knows Yanjun won’t follow his orders. “No way! I’m keeping this forever,” Yanjun holds his phone out of the elder’s reach just in case he decides to lunge for it. At this point, Zhangjing already knows the odds aren’t in his favor, so he resigns, turning back to his computer.

  
Yanjun attempts to bait him once again, quietly calling his name, but Zhangjing doesn’t fall for it. There’s no way he’d get through another conversation with the man unscathed. He ignores the man in favor of actually getting some work done. While he’s busy scrolling through his emails, Zhangjing taps his foot. Waiting for Yanjun’s next trick leaves him on edge. He knows for a fact that it’s coming, but he doesn’t know when. The man almost wishes that Yanjun would go ahead and do something just so he doesn’t have to deal with all of this anticipation building up. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Yanjun grinning at his phone screen and suspects that he’s up to no good. Deciding to investigate, the man leans back in his chair and peers over. He tries to appear inconspicuous, pretending to type on his keyboard. When he realizes that Yanjun is looking at the picture he took of him, Zhangjing’s heart flutters and heat rises to his cheeks. Deciding not to comment on it, Zhangjing returns to work, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling in his chest.

 

* * *

 

Linong rushes by them later, a bouquet of flowers in hand and a bright yet nervous grin on his lips. “You decided to get flowers,” Zhangjing calls out, perking up at the sight of the intern. “Oh, uh yeah,” Linong grips them tighter and bites his lip shyly. “Are these alright? Do you think Xukun will like them?” he asks, looking like he’d pass out if Zhangjing said no. “They’re great, don’t worry. Good luck,” Zhangjing flashes the man a smile and sends him a thumbs up before turning back to his desk. Yanjun, who had been listening to their conversation, rises to his feet when the younger man starts to leave. “Linong, hold up,” he follows after the man, completely ignoring the work he had to do. He looks like he’s asking Linong a question. Though Zhangjing is curious, he ignores it for now. At least Linong has distracted Yanjun from flirting with him again.

 

* * *

 

During their lunch break, Zhangjing offers to share some of his food with his friends. Yanjun had forgotten his lunch back at his apartment and didn’t have any cash on him that he could have used on the vending machine. “Oh no, I can’t,” Yanjun rejects the food with a wave of his hand, “I’ve decided to become a vegetarian.” Zhangjing can’t believe his ears. “What? Why?” he demands an explanation. What could possibly have convinced Lin Yanjun to become a vegetarian overnight? The man beckons him closer with his finger and Zhangjing leans in, feeling utterly confused. “ _因为你是我的菜。_ (Because you are my vegetable/type*)” Yanjun speaks softly, then pulls away, waiting for his friend’s reaction. Beside him, Chaoze gags loudly, making his revulsion to the line as obvious as possible. “Lin Chaoze please save me from him I’m begging you,” Zhangjing turns to his friend with a desperate look while Yanjun cackles, stealing one of Zhangjing’s egg rolls. 

 

* * *

 

 

Yanjun’s next attack comes after Zhangjing speaks with Jeffery by the copy machine. The two had just finished discussing how they want to divvy up the work for the task they had been assigned to. Jeffery offered to do more work, but Zhangjing shook his head, saying that he could handle it. He knew the his coworker had been extremely busy. The man had spread himself thin, offering help to anyone who needed it. Sometimes, Zhangjing thinks Jeffery is generous to a fault. After the two say their goodbyes, Zhangjing makes a copy of the outline they created, then begins to head back to his cubicle.

He walks around the corner, but comes to a sudden halt when a palm is slammed against the wall beside him. Gasping, Zhangjing turns around to see who hand belongs to. After followinf the contours of the man’s arm, Zhangjing is greeted with Yanjun leaning over him, his signature smirk on his face while he quirks up an eyebrow. Zhangjing’s heart is racing, but he can’t tell if it’s from the shock or the fact that Yanjun is only inches from his face. “Zhangjing…” he whispers, leaning close enough that Zhangjing can feel his breath fan against his lips. At this point, Zhangjing is about to pass out, hands becoming clammy as he stares at the man in silence, words caught in his throat. Yanjun, encouraged by his friend’s reaction, continues. “Let’s put our tulips together,” he pulls away and produces a few flowers from behind his back. He looks at his friend expectantly, not thrown off by the fact that Zhangjing is now glaring at him. “Yanjun, those are roses,” Zhangjing deadpans, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why did you have to ruin the moment like that?” Yanjun frowns, a dejected pout on his lips. “I’m just saying, if you’re going to use a line like that, at least get the name of the flower right. Wait, are those the flowers that Nongnong got for Xukun?” Zhangjing takes one and holds it up to his nose to take in the aromatic scent.

In that moment, Chaoze comes by to make some copies and catches them in this position: Zhangjing smelling the flower and Yanjun still hovering close. “Ugh, gross. I knew that this would happen eventually, but I didn’t think I’d have to witness anything this intimate,” the man scrunches his nose in disgust and shields his eyes. “You knew that what would happen?” Zhangjing questions, then glances from Chaoze to the man in front of him. Realization soon hits him and he immediately shoves his friend away, a pink hue blossoming on his cheeks. “Nothing’s happening. You’re misinterpreting the situation,” Zhangjing explains, trying to ignore the smug expression on Yanjun’s face. Chaoze tuts, clearly not believing him. However, by some miracle, he chooses not to press the matter.

“Anyway, I guess I’ll take this opportunity to invite you guys to Xukun’s birthday party at my apartment,” Chaoze places his papers in the copier and purses his lips, “You can bring a plus-one, but I’m assuming you two will be going together anyway.” “What is that supposed to mean-” Zhangjing starts, but is cut off by his friend. “Sounds great!” Yanjun gives Chaoze a thumbs up, then turns back to his best friend. “See you then cutie,” Yanjun winks at him and instead of acting repulsed, Zhangjing just nods and bites his lip. “Hmmm, interesting…” Chaoze makes a thoughtful sound, bringing his fingers up to his chin. “What?” Zhangjing asks, feeling defensive for some reason. “Nothing,” Chaoze shrugs and walks off before Zhangjing can question him further. Zhangjing isn’t very convinced. “I have to go back to work now. Ziyi is going to kill me if I don’t get this project finished by the end of the day. See ya,” Yanjun sticks a hand in his pocket and waves at his friend before walking back towards his cubicle.

 

* * *

 

After waiting until he was outside Yanjun’s line of sight, Zhangjing scutters off to the bathroom to calm himself down. The prior situation still has his heart thrumming in his chest, so he splashes some cold water in his face in the hopes of getting back to his usual demeanor. Chaoze’s words ring in his ears and he tries to make sense of what he’s feeling right now. It bothers him that the sensation from before still lingers in his body, cheeks tingling from heat while butterflies bounce around in his tummy. Chaoze seemed convinced that there’s something not completely platonic going on between him and Yanjun, which is absolutely ridiculous. Right? Zhangjing shakes his head and lets out a deep sigh. Whatever, Chaoze is looking way too far into things. Deciding he didn’t want to bother thinking about this any longer, Zhangjing dries his hands and leaves the bathroom.

 


	4. Chapter Four

Zhangjing paces back and forth in his apartment as he waits for Chaoze to arrive. The man wanted to get ready together, so Zhangjing invited him over. For some reason, he was feeling a little nervous about tonight. He didn’t know why, since it was just Xukun’s birthday. Maybe he’s forgetting something? In the midst of thinking, Zhangjing hears his doorbell ring. “You Zhangjing! Open the door, it’s freezing tonight!” called a voice from outside, banging on the wood. Zhangjing opens the door the reveal his friend and is very confused when Chaoze already looks completely prepared for the party. “I thought we were getting ready together?” Zhangjing steps to the side to let Chaoze in, wearing a suspicious look on his face. “Ahhh, well we were but I’ve decided that I want to focus on getting you ready,” Chaoze explains, already walking towards Zhangjing’s bedroom. “But why?” Zhangjing questions, trailing after him. Chaoze stops with his hand on the doorknob and turns back to the other. He’s staring at him like he should already know the answer, which leaves Zhangjing feeling even more perplexed. “Zhangjing…” Chaoze deadpans and Zhangjing frowns. “What?” The elder sighs, starting to get annoyed. “So you can look good for Yanjun,” Chaoze says it like it’s obvious and Zhangjing flushes, “Chaoze, I already told you we’re not-” “Saying that doesn’t necessarily make it true,” Chaoze interrupts him and opens the door.

 

Zhangjing sighs and shakes his head before following Chaoze into his room. “This is what I’ve picked out,” Zhangjing gestures towards the clothes on his bed and glances at the other man, waiting for his opinion. Chaoze crosses his arms over his chest and stares at the outfit for a good thirty seconds, fingers drumming against his lips. He peers back at Zhangjing with a look of disapproval and shakes his head. “Chaoze, what?” Zhangjing squirms, wondering what he could have possibly done wrong. “Zhangjing this is literally just a sweatshirt and jeans. Who are you going to impress wearing that?” There goes Chaoze again, treating Zhangjing like he’s an idiot. “I’m not trying to impress anyone!” Zhangjing argues, but Chaoze isn’t having it. “The blush on your face says otherwise,” Chaoze teases, laughing when Zhangjing places his palms on his cheeks to see if they were warm.

 

“Sit,” the younger man orders, plunking Zhangjing down on the bed’s surface. While a grumpy Zhangjing taps his foot and shifts his weight back and forth on the mattress, Chaoze sifts through his closet like he’s searching for hidden treasure. “Found your porno mags!” the man calls out, voice muffled by the sea of clothes around him. Zhangjing shrieks, panic setting in even though he knew for a fact that he didn’t have anything like that in his apartment. “Relax, I’m kidding,” Chaoze snickers and continues his pillage with enthusiasm. The man eventually returns with some red socks, a pair of black jeans, a white t-shirt, and an oversized black button up shirt to go on top. “Don’t frown, you’ll get wrinkles,” Chaoze warns, smoothing out the lines in Zhangjing’s face. “Wear this,” he demands, handing everything over to his friend. Zhangjing sighs and rises to his feet, signaling for Chaoze to turn around. When he’s certain that Chaoze can’t see him, he starts to change. “Okay, you can look,” Zhangjing finishes, feeling kind of awkward. Chaoze turns around, but doesn’t look completely satisfied as he absorbs Zhangjing’s appearance. “Wait a sec,” Chaoze skips back over to the closet and returns with a black belt and a pair of white shoes. “Step into these,” he orders, tossing the sneakers onto the carpet in front of his friend. Chaoze then tucks Zhangjing’s t-shirt into his waistline before sliding the belt through the loops in his pants. Finally, he kneels down and folds the bottom of Zhangjing’s pants into a pin roll to cuff them.  

 

As Chaoze steps back to admire his work, Zhangjing feels a bit uncomfortable. “Does it look okay?” He questions, biting his lip. “Aw, you’re nervous!” Chaoze coos and pinches the skin of Zhangjing’s cheek, “Don’t worry, you look adorable Xiao You~” Zhangjing knocks his friend’s hand away and curls his lip in annoyance. “I’m not nervous,” He argues, even though he’s certain Chaoze doesn’t believe him, “And don’t call me that. I’m older than you, you know.” “Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Chaoze grins, patting the top of the other man’s head. “Stop! You’re going to mess up my hair,” Zhangjing whines, running his fingers back through his curly brown locks. “It doesn’t matter, I’m not done with you yet,” Chaoze explains, fishing for something in his bag. “What do you mean?” the other asks, pouting because he really didn’t expect to put forth this much effort tonight. Chaoze replies by snapping both sides of his flat iron together, a smile on his lips.

 

After straightening Zhangjing’s hair and applying a light layer of makeup, Chaoze packs up his things to leave. “Don’t you want to come with me and Yanjun since you’re already here?” Zhangjing questions, feeling a bit greasy with the foundation on his skin. “And interrupt your alone time with Yanjun?” Chaoze gasps and places a hand over his heart, looking shocked, “I would never. Besides, I don’t want to see you two lovebirds be gross in the car. I see enough of that at the office.” Zhangjing sputters, feeling frustrated that he can’t convince his friend that he and Yanjun aren’t a couple. Within minutes, Chaoze is gone, leaving Zhangjing by himself. It seems as if he’ll have to suffer from Yanjun’s horrible flirting alone.

 

* * *

 

Zhangjing jumps at the sound of the doorbell ringing. He’d been spacing out trying to predict what kind of pickup lines his friend would try to use on him tonight. As he opens the door, he is a bit amused upon seeing Yanjun’s eyes widen. The man looks a bit surprised for some reason and Zhangjing isn’t certain because of the lighting, but he thinks he might see a pink hue spreading on the other’s face. “Um,” Yanjun clears his throat and smiles, now looking a bit more normal, “Are you ready to go?” “Yeah, one sec” Zhangjing disappears for a moment and then returns with Xukun’s present, wrapped up with a bow tied together at the top.

 

While they’re on their way over to Xukun and Ziyi’s apartment, Yanjun keeps peeking over at Zhangjing which leaves the older man feeling nervous. “Pay attention to the road!” Zhangjing scolds and presses two fingers against Yanjun’s jaw to make him look forward. Yanjun replies with a fond smile on his lips, which goes unnoticed by Zhangjing, who is busy staring at the road in front of them.

 

* * *

 

Once they enter the party, the two take of their shoes and start to glance around. Chengcheng and Linkai are daring Linong to take a sip of alcohol, to which the boy refuses. Zhangjing smiles, finding the boy’s innocence cute. Zhengting is talking with a few other guys (Zhangjing thinks their names are Xinchun and Wenjun?) in the corner by the kitchen. Their conversation goes unheard, since the music Xukun is blasting drowns out all other noise in the building. Xingjie and Chaoze are making their way over to where Xukun is standing, talking to Ziyi with a beer in hand. Yanjun and Zhangjing both step in that direction, wanting to greet the birthday boy. Chaoze, who looks like he’s been waiting for them, smirks when they arrive and and raises an eyebrow. “What took you guys so long, huh? Were you _busy with something_ _?_ ” he interrogates, looking between the two. “Chaoze, we just got here ourselves,” Xingjie replies, which earns him a punch in the arm.

 

Zhangjing chuckles at the exchange, then glances over at Xukun. “Happy birthday,” he says before being echoed by Yanjun. Afterwards, everyone gathers around to sing happy birthday and watch as Xukun opens his presents. Yanjun sits beside Zhangjing on the couch, arm wrapped around his shoulder, as Xukun opens Linong’s third present (the intern was quite indecisive and decided to buy multiple things instead of choosing one). “Zhangjing?” he starts, grabbing the man’s attention, “For my birthday, would you give me your love?” “I’m not drunk enough for this,” Zhangjing decides, getting up to grab a beer and leaving Yanjun to laugh by himself on the sofa.

 

It wasn’t long until the man was far beyond inebriated. Zhangjing drinks throughout the night in order to survive to Yanjun’s relentless flirting. It almost turned into a game: drink every time Yanjun makes you disgusted (or every time he makes your heart flutter). Eventually, Zhangjing participates in an intense (and heavily intoxicated) match of karaoke with Qian Zhenghao (somehow still sounding good). On his way back to the couch, stumbles and trips over someone’s leg. He would have hit his head against the corner of the coffee table if Yanjun didn’t catch him in time. It’s then that Yanjun decides that he needs some fresh air.

 

They sit outside on Xukun’s porch. It’s cold, so they huddled together for warmth. Yanjun hopes that the temperature will help Zhangjing sober up a bit. “The stars are pretty tonight,” Zhangjing comments, drunk enough to lay his head on Yanjun’s shoulder. The other makes a small sound of agreement and glances up at the sky. They sit like that for a while, in comfortable silence. Eventually, Yanjun glances away from the sky in favor of looking at the man beside him. He stares at him with a loving expressions, which causes Zhangjing’s stomach to flip and his heart to race. Yanjun then slowly reaches up his hand and pushes Zhangjing’s bangs back off his forehead. Combing his fingers through the man’s hair, Yanjun smiles gently. “Why did you straighten your hair? I want your curls back, they’re cute…” Yanjun questions and Zhangjing’s cheeks turn red. They sit in silence after that once again, just staring into each other’s eyes. It feels so familiar to Zhangjing, yet so foreign. Like he should be used to this even though it’s never happened before. Without thinking, Zhangjing starts to lean forward, which leaves Yanjun feeling confused. “Zhangjing, what-” he starts, but is cut off when the older man’s lips press against his own. Yanjun relaxes into the kiss instinctually while Zhangjing’s palms gently cradle his face. It’s when Yanjun tastes the alcohol from the other’s mouth that he realizes what’s happening and pulls away.

 

“You’re drunk,” he states, when he sees the confused look on Zhangjing’s face. “I think I should take you home,” Yanjun stands and runs his fingers through his hair, refusing to look at him. Zhangjing can see the panicked look on Yanjun’s face and his stomach drops. The cold hadn’t been enough to sober him up, but the realization that he totally fucked up was. Zhangjing was so absorbed in the moment that forgot this was all a game for Yanjun. The man had never been serious about all of this flirting and Zhangjing knew that. Too bad it worked on him anyway. Zhangjing felt like crying as he followed his friend back inside. How could he fall for Yanjun when this all started as a joke? “Hey guys, I’m going to take Zhangjing home,” Yanjun explains as they enter the living room where everyone was gathered. Chaoze is about to tease them, but stops when he sees the serious expression on both of their faces. He sends them a worried look, which goes ignored as everyone says their goodbyes.

 

When they exit the apartment building, Zhangjing stays put by the door. He wanted to be alone right now, or at least away from Yanjun. “I can make it back on my own,” Zhangjing bites his lip and starts making his way towards the sidewalk. He’d walk home in the cold if he had to. The alcohol had made him feel a bit warmer at least. Unfortunately, his chances of returning home alone were ruined when he stumbled forward and fell down onto the grass. Sighing, Yanjun gently brought him back to to his feet and brushed of the dirt left on his clothes, “You won’t make it home safely your state. You’re getting in my car.” It isn’t a question, but a command.

 

The world is spinning as Yanjun helps him to the vehicle. While Zhangjing would rather be as far away from the other man as possible right now, he needs his friend’s help walking. When Yanjun lays him down in the backseat, Zhangjing is already holding back tears. He was so embarrassed. How could he kiss Yanjun like that when earlier in the night he claimed that there was nothing between them? _Fuck._ Zhangjing felt like he was going to throw up and he couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol or the panicked feeling welling up inside of him. He really wanted to talk to Yanjun about it, but what would he say? Deciding to just stay quiet, Zhangjing rolled over so that he was facing the seat. At least this way he wouldn’t be tempted to look at the other man and make himself more upset.

 

As they approach his apartment, Zhangjing becomes more and more nervous. He was scared to explain himself to Yanjun, but he felt like he should. When Yanjun parks, Zhangjing takes a deep breath. The sound of the car door opening is his cue to get up. “Yanjun…” he starts, but the other man still won’t look at him. There’s a pause in which the only sound between them is their breathing. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Yanjun finally mumbles, biting his lip while he tightens his grip on the handle to the car door, “You should get inside… I think you need some sleep.” Zhangjing really wants to protest, but he doesn’t have the energy to argue right now. Remaining silent, he gets out of the car, Yanjun stepping to the side when he stands.

 

When they reach his front door, Zhangjing turns around to look at his friend, searching for any sign that their friendship wasn’t completely ruined. “Could you at least come inside for a bit?” he asks, but realizes it won’t happen as soon as he hears a heavy sigh escape Yanjun’s lips. At this point, Zhangjing is just so overwhelmed and frustrated that he doesn’t know what to do. “Please just talk to me,” he tries desperately, reaching for the man in front of him. “I’m sorry,’ Yanjun gives him a sad smile and squeezes his hand before letting go, “I need time to think.”

 

After that, Yanjun leaves, not looking back once as he approaches his car. With no hope left, Zhangjing steps inside and closes the door. It was only then that he noticed he had been crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really curious about what you guys think! Please leave your opinions/reactions in the comments!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story was originally supposed to be fluffy and cute what have I done?  
> Also sorry if there are any typos, I'm finishing this at 2:30 in the morning.

Luckily, Yanjun decided to take the day off from work. However, that doesn’t mean Zhangjing can easily forget what happened last night. Chaoze had been sending him worried glances all morning.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks when Zhangjing doesn’t go on break at the usual time. He didn’t have much of an appetite today. Chaoze doesn’t have to explain what he meant by the question, both of them know this is about Yanjun. “Thank you, but not really,” Zhangjing offers him a sad smile and pretends to go back to work. In reality, he’d been staring at the screen all day without getting anything done. He couldn’t really focus. Being this unproductive would normally cause Zhangjing to stress out, but he can’t bring himself to care about work right now. It’s not until tears begin to blur his vision that he decides to leave his computer.

 

Seconds later, he’s leaning against the bathroom sink, trying to compose himself but unable to stop himself from crying. Another man enters soon after and Zhangjing almost panics before he recognizes who he is. “Come here,” Chaoze wraps his arms around the man and pats his back, hoping to bring him a bit of comfort. They stand there for a few minutes before Chaoze opens his mouth to speak again, “You love him, don’t you?” No response comes from Zhangjing, but the silence tells Chaoze everything he needs to know. Unsure of what the best advice would be for his friend, Chaoze simply hugs him tighter and let’s Zhangjing wet his shirt with his tears.

 

* * *

 

Justin always lifts everyone’s mood when he visits the office, so when Chengcheng chases him past the bathroom as Zhangjing and Chaoze step outside, Zhangjing can’t help but smile. Being Mr. Zhang’s nephew, he got away with doing a lot more things, so it made the environment a lot more lively. It’s exactly what Zhangjing needs this afternoon.

 

The teenager’s parents lived in Korea, but when Justin returns to China to visit family and old friends, he stays with his uncle and his uncle’s roomate (?). Zhangjing thinks he remembers the man’s name being Junmian or something like that? He visits the office every once in a while, but none of the employees really know much about him.  

 

“NA NANANANA NANANA!! RANG ZIJI DREAMING DREAMING ALL NIGHT!” Zhangjing hears Justin’s ~~piercing screeches~~ beautiful singing later when he returns to his desk and swivels his head around to see what’s happening. Chengcheng, and Justin and dancing(?) and singing into makeshift microphones by Zhengting’s desk. A crowd of chairs encircle them, office workers clapping and hollering as the two boys battle it out in a fierce karaoke battle. Zhengting forced his intern, Chengcheng, to participate, but it didn’t really take long before the man was having fun. Zhangjing soon joins in with the rest of his coworkers in cheering the boys on. He really should be getting some work done, but the man decides that he needs to get him mind off things.

 

“WHAT IS HAPPENING OUT HERE?” Mr. Zhang has yell to be heard over all of the noise. Everyone in the office freezes. There’s silence except for the music that’s still blaring through Zhengting’s speakers. Justin turns to the boss and pouts, looking like a kid that just got his christmas toy taken away. “We were just trying to have fun! I never get to invite any of my friends over to your apartment because you are Junmyeon are always too busy having-” “JUSTIN! I’ve been looking for you!” Mr. Zhang’s roommate (????) steps in and puts his arm around the teenager’s shoulders, laughing awkwardly. “I forgot that I was supposed to take you shopping! Let’s go do that now,” Junmian? Junmyeon? says as he quickly ushers the boy towards the elevator. Justin calls out something in Korean that Zhangjing doesn’t understand, but it causes Chengcheng and Zhengting to double over in laughter while Mr. Zhang and his roommate blush fiercely.

 

With everything happening today, Zhangjing realizes he’s forgotten to check his phone since last night. Fishing it out of his pocket, he finds a few missed texts from Chaoze (probably from last night), and a relatively new one from the one man he didn’t want to think about:

 

_Yanjun - Come over after work so we can talk._

 

Zhangjing lets out a shaky breath and responds with a simple “ok.” before heading back to work.

 

* * *

 

It all started as a joke. When Zhangjing told him that no one would fall for his flirting, Yanjun took that as a challenge to prove him wrong. Of course he had fun messing with his friend, the fact that Zhangjing responded so well was just an added bonus. He’d only planned on dragging it out for a day, but the longer he did it, the more enjoyed the man’s reactions. He had always teased Zhangjing from the moment they became friends, but he would always do that in a different way. Mostly, he would taunt the man about his nerdy clothes or the fact that he cried at almost every movie they watched together. Never had he tried to flirt with him before, so when Zhangjing reacted to his teasing with a blush, Yanjun was a bit thrown off. Over the four days that he’d been messing with his friend, Yanjun grew to anticipate his Zhangjing’s red-tipped ears and embarrassed side glances. For some reason, it filled Yanjun’s chest with a warm feeling. Was it his heart swelling with pride from his well executed attacks? Well, that’s what he thought initially. It wasn’t until last night that he realized it was something else.

He really wasn’t expecting Zhangjing to kiss him. The man honestly thought last night would be just as uneventful as any other day. To say the least, he didn’t think he would end up with Zhangjing’s lips against his own. At first, Yanjun just thought he was acting stupid because he was drunk, but when he pulled away and saw the genuine look of admiration in Zhangjing’s eyes, he freaked out.

 

_‘Shit shit shit,’ Yanjun thought as he rose to his feet. Everything else was muted as Yanjun stood there, heartbeat thumping in his head. If Zhangjing said anything, Yanjun didn’t hear it. What had he done? Yanjun never imagined that he’d actually win the silent bet that the two had agreed upon. Or at least, Yanjun thought of it as a bet. Now he wasn’t sure if Zhangjing saw it the same way._

 

_As Yanjun drove his friend back home, he felt heavy with guilt. How could he do this to Zhangjing? He hadn’t meant for Zhangjing to fall for him, but that’s exactly what happened. Even worse, Yanjun was unsure about his own desires. He couldn’t guarantee that the feelings between them were mutual and it killed him._

 

_While they’re standing at Zhangjing’s front door, all Yanjun wants to do is wipe his friend’s tear stain cheeks. He wants to pull the man into his arms and tell him that everything would be okay, but he can’t. When Zhangjing grabs his hand and looks at him like he’d do anything to make him stay, Yanjun wants nothing more than to kiss him. But he can’t do that either. If Yanjun gives Zhangjing what he wants now, he might be setting him up for disappointment in the future. While Yanjun might see Zhangjing as a potential romantic partner, the man was his friend first. He’d be damned if he let anyone break Zhangjing’s heart, especially himself. “I’m sorry,” Yanjun says, hoping that Zhangjing can tell how much he means it, “I need time to think.”_

 

 _On the way back to his car, Yanjun makes sure his face is turned away from the apartment. He can’t let Zhangjing see his tears fall because dammit Lin Yanjun_ **_did not cry._ **

 

The doorbell rings. Yanjun grabs the handle and pulls it back to reveal the curly-haired man, who looks just as scared to have this conversation as him. “You said you speak to me, so let’s talk,” Zhangjing steps inside, expression harder than it was last night. “I still don’t know what to say,” Yanjun admits, cringing because he knows that he isn’t being helpful at all. “Okay,” Zhangjing crosses his arms over his chest and glares up at him. He looks betrayed. “Why don’t you explain why you led me on for the past four days only to turn me down _after_ I kissed you,” he breathes out and Yanjun parrots him with a sigh. “I didn’t really have a chance to turn you down, you kissed me out of nowhere,” he says and Zhangjing huffs because he’s right, “And you were drunk, I couldn’t have a conversation like that with you knowing that you weren’t in the right state of mind.” “Whatever,” Zhangjing scoffs, eyes starting to water, “Don’t you think you could at least have turned me down directly instead of leaving me to agonize over what you were thinking that entire night after you left?” At this point, Zhangjing didn’t have much hope that things would turn out the way he wanted them to. If he’s going to leave, he might as well leave now while he still had a bit of dignity left.

 

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” Yanjun explains, grabbing Zhangjing’s wrist to prevent him from heading towards the door. The other man feels the frustration boil up on his skin’s surface, hot angry tears rolling down his cheeks. “It’s too late for that idiot!” he jerks his arm away, chest rising and falling heavily as he refuses to look at the man behind him. Yanjun feels his heart crumple up in his chest and he stands there frozen. Everything he wanted to say just wouldn’t come out. “I-I just wanted to protect you,” he tries to reason with the man, who is having none of it. “Well you’re doing a pretty shit job at that don’t you think?” Zhangjing spits out, expelling the fire burning in his throat, “Don’t try and save the situation now. I’m already hurt, so anything you do from now on is going to be fucking useless!”

 

It strikes a nerve and Zhangjing regrets it the minute he lets the last word fall out of his mouth. “I’m sorry,” his sounds meek as he voices out the apology, watching as his friend tenses up. “It’s okay,” Yanjun bites his lip and turns away, “I know…” Zhangjing feels even worse as he sees the telltale signs of his Yanjun’s shaking shoulders and hears the quiet sniff that the man tried to cover up by scuffing the sole of shoe against the ground.

 

“Yanjun, look at me,” Zhangjing whispers as he gently places his hands on Yanjun’s shoulders. The man slowly complies, going limp at Zhangjing’s touch like he always did at moments like this. Yanjun cries into the man’s shoulder and Zhangjing holds him like he’s something precious, something fragile. Like he’s afraid that any slight move will cause him to break.

 

Lin Yanjun hates being vulnerable. He hates the sympathetic look Zhangjing is giving him when he knows he doesn’t deserve it. He hates how he can’t stop his tears from falling. It’s almost ironic how it makes him cry harder. “I was just angry. I promise I didn’t mean that,” Zhangjing rubs his back and wonders how awkward it must look for someone of Yanjun’s stature to be leaning against a short guy like him. Yanjun nods and hugs Zhangjing tighter. He hiccupped quietly but at least his sobs were starting to subside.

 

It’s moments like these that make Yanjun think that maybe he’s in love with Zhangjing. When Zhangjing forced him to buckle up before leaving his driveway on the way to Xukun’s party last night, not because he doesn’t want to get in trouble (like he claimed), but because he wanted his friend to be safe. When Zhangjing forces him to eat right, sometimes even cooking himself, not because he wants to be bossy but because he’s always worried about Yanjun’s health. Or years ago when Zhangjing wouldn’t leave him alone until he took his medicine, because even when Yanjun didn’t care about getting better, Zhangjing did. It’s when Zhangjing makes him feel like he’s loved, like he’s worth something.

 

“I don’t deserve you,” Yanjun finally croaks out what he’s been wanting to say this whole time. It was true. Well, at least it was to him. Zhangjing had been taking care of him since they met and what did he do? Nothing. The best he can offer Zhangjing is to make sure he doesn’t put any more weight on his shoulders. “Yanjun, you deserve everything. You deserve the world,” Zhangjing argues adamantly and Yanjun thinks the man doesn’t quite realize how soothing that is to hear. Unable to find the words to respond, Yanjun merely nods and wipes the wetness from his face.

 

“It’s been a long day,” Zhangjing says and Yanjun couldn’t agree more. “Do you want to popcorn and watch some movies?” the elder asks and Yanjun nods again, afraid of what his voice will sound like if he tries to speak.

 

The two fall asleep together on the couch, the soft hum of the tv quiet enough not to wake them. Popcorn kernels scattered the floor, ignored by the sleeping duo snuggled together on the cushions. They weren’t able to make it halfway through the movie, but it’s alright. They had Harry Potter marathons enough times in the past to know how this one ended. The issue of last night laid unresolved, but both of them knew it was better left for tomorrow when emotions weren’t so high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to warn you, the next chapter might deal with some sensitive issues. I'll explain in the notes when I upload the next chapter, so if you're worried that it might affect you, please be sure to check those out (I'll put the notes at the bottom of the page, so you'll have to scroll down to see them before you start reading). As always, I really appreciate your comments! If you ever want to talk, share your theories, or show your fics to me, you can add me on my new twitter: @meiyouzhangjing !!!! I'm happy to speak to anyone who messages me!


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is REALLY REALLY SHIT  
> Do not have high expectations going into this lol, I needed a transition chapter before I continue Zhangjun's quest for love lol  
> I didn't proofread this at all, so I might go back and make corrections later  
> Also!!! Don't forget to check the warnings for this chapter (which will be in the notes at the end, so you'll have to scroll to the end)

Yanjun felt like a burden is entire childhood. The man never knew his father, since he left them soon after Yanjun was born, so it was left up to Yanjun’s mother to take care of him. They didn’t have much money; his mother never went to college and didn’t work when she and Yanjun’s father were dating. She had trouble keeping a job since she had to juggle her schedule with taking care of a child. Eventually, she found work at a corner store and worked there for a good length of time, often taking evening and night shifts. 

 

The woman often complained about how much energy and money it took to take care of him, so Yanjun tried his best not to ask for much. Still, he was a kid, so he didn’t really understand. He remembers wanting this new robot toy, since every other boy in his grade had one. For months, he saved up the little coins he found littered everywhere. Since he usually didn’t have his mom around to tell him what to do, he would often spend hours outside searching for fallen change on the road and sidewalks. By August, he’d finally saved up enough to afford about half. 

 

“Mom, can I please get this for my birthday?” the ten year-old asks her, pointing to an advertisement in a magazine she picked up at the doctor’s office. “I already have ten dollars, so I can pay for half. Pleeease,” Yanjun juts out his lower lip, looking at his mother desperately. “You want me to buy you that, huh? When I still have bills to pay, you want me worrying about some stupid toy?” The woman scolds while snatching the coin-filled plastic bag from her son. “Mom, please. All of my friends have one,” Yanjun tries to argue back, feeling frustrated that all of his hard effort was being ignored. 

 

Tears prick at Yanjun’s eyes after he feels the harsh sting on his cheek. His mom had hit him before, but never this hard. Knowing that anything he says from now on will only anger her further, Yanjun bites his lip and looks down, afraid of making the situation worse. “I can not believe you. After all I’ve done for you to send you to school and put food on the table. Never in my life have I met such an ungrateful little brat. If I ever hear you ask for something like that again, you’ll be in huge trouble. Do you understand?” The woman gets close to his face. Yanjun isn’t looking, but he can tell her skin is red and her jaw is tense. That’s how she always looked when she got like this. When Yanjun doesn’t respond, the woman shakes him by the arm. “I said, do you understand?” she breathes through her teeth, making sure to pronounce each and every syllable clearly. Yanjun quickly nods, cheeks wet with tears of shame and disappointment. 

 

There was a phase where Yanjun tried his best to do well in school. The kid though that if he succeeded, then his mom would be proud enough to finally pay more attention to him. The two really didn’t talk much. Yanjun usually cooked dinner for himself and ate meals alone in his room to avoid bothering his mother after work (he really didn’t want to do anything to irritate her). All of this avoidance while quietly studying in his room led up to this point. At the age of thirteen, Yanjun was all smiles as he walked home, a thick piece of paper clutched in his hand. Everyone was supposed to return with their signed report cards the next day as proof that they showed them to their parents. For the first time, Yanjun was happy to show his performance to his mother. The young teen had somehow managed to get four A’s, two B’s, and two C’s. Every report card prior had contained at least one D, if not more. 

Unfortunately, it seems his hopes were much too high. Yanjun receives no reaction whatsoever when he sets the paper on the table in front of his mom while she’s watching TV. “Hey mom,” Yanjun decides it might be better to place it directly in her hands along with a pen, “look we got out report cards today.” The woman scans over the page for a total of two seconds before glancing over at Yajun, who’s wearing a hopeful expression. “What are you looking at me like that for? Am I supposed to be impressed?” she tosses the paper to the side and returns her attention back to the TV. 

 

Yanjun’s chest feels tight as he picks up the paper and leaves to go to his room. He wondered if he’d ever find a way to make his mother happy.

 

* * *

 

The lack of attention he got at home meant that Yanjun had to find it elsewhere. Beginning in his freshman year of high school, Yanjun started to act out. His actions ranged anywhere from annoying his teachers, skipping school, or flirting with the girls in his class. Eventually, he built up a reputation for being one of the “bad boys”. Naturally, he made friends with the other kids who misbehaved. This spiraled into plummeting grades, a smoking addiction, getting drunk at his friends’ houses and later at his own home. 

 

Of course, his mother didn’t care. When he returned from school one evening, nose bloody and lip cut from fighting, she merely glanced over at him before finishing her dinner. He wasn’t expecting sympathy, but he at least thought she might scream at him for a bit or punish him like moms were supposed to do. Had her expectations for him shrunk so low that she wasn’t even surprised at this point? Sighing, Yanjun turned back around and headed back outside. There wasn’t any reason for him to be home anymore.

 

* * *

 

When Yanjun seemed like he was going to flunk out his senior year, one of his teachers referred him to a tutor. At this point, Yanjun didn’t really care about raising his grades. He was pretty certain he’d end up failing either way. However, he knew that if he didn’t accept the tutoring, his teacher would want to talk to his mother and Yanjun really didn’t want to have to deal with her screaming at him about how much of an embarrassment he is. At least, this is what Yanjun tells himself. He’s honestly reluctant to meet with the tutor because deep down, he was always afraid of looking stupid and disappointing people. While he was pretty used to it at this point, Yanjun really hated the looks of disapproval all of the teachers and “smart kids” sent him every time he misbehaved or failed a test. He assumes this kid will be no different. Every one of these nerds thought that they were better than him and it really pissed him off. 

 

They meet in the library. Yanjun didn’t want to go outside the school for tutoring because he doesn’t want his friends to see him. They mean well, but Yanjun gets annoyed whenever they tease him about these kinds of things. To his friends and the rest of the student body, Yanjun was that cool rebel that didn’t care about school, so when he looked like he was putting forth any effort at all, he would get mocked for at least a week.

 

Yanjun doesn’t look up from his math homework when his tutor enters the room. Apparently his name is You Zhangjing. He moved here from Malaysia last year and he’s one of the top students in their class. Yanjun hadn’t heard much aside from that. They didn’t have any classes together and the only reason that he knew what the student looked like is because he received an award at school assembly two months ago. 

 

“Hi,” the student says quietly, still standing by the doorway as he waits for Yanjun to recognize his existence. Yanjun finally glances at the man, feeling a little put off by the sweet smile on his lips. How could someone look so excited to tutor?  _ Maybe he just really likes math or something _ Yanjun thinks as he awkwardly greets him with a wave of his hand. “You’re Lin Yanjun, right? My name is You Zhangjing. It’s nice to meet you,” the boy says as he takes a seat next to him, already fishing through his backpack for a notebook. “I know,” Yanjun intends for the reply to sound rude (he didn’t want to make friends with this kid), but it comes out gentle and shy. Cursing himself on the inside, Yanjun pushes his paper towards the other man. “This is what I have so far,” he explains, trying to ignore how clammy his hands are getting. “Okay, awesome. Let me just go through this real quick and we’ll figure out what the problem is,” Zhangjing grins, which causes Yanjun’s insides to do weird things. “Oh, and don’t be so nervous. I won’t bite,” the other adds, which makes Yanjun feel flustered. This kid really isn’t helping him maintain his cool image.

 

Yanjun gets all ten of the problems he’s completed wrong. Everytime Zhangjing makes a correction, Yanjun wants to sink further and further into the ground. When Zhangjing sends him a sheepish smile after crossing out yet another answer, Yanjun snaps his pencil in half and flings it at the wall. “This is stupid,” he growls, folding his arms over his chest and slumping in his seat. The other man looks alarmed, probably not used to seeing these kinds of outbursts from his fellow students. “Please keep trying. You have to pass this class to meet the standards of a lot of universities,” Zhangjing explains carefully, fishing a new pencil from his backpack. Yanjun scoffs and rolls his eyes. “What?” the tutor asks, furrowing his brows in confusion. “Are you kidding? I’m not going to college,” he says it like it should be obvious because to Yanjun it is. Zhangjing parts his lips in shock and blinks quickly, not knowing what to say. His parents would kill him if he didn’t continue his education after graduating. 

 

“What? Why not?” Zhangjing is much more interested in this now, the homework momentarily forgotten. “School is stupid,” Yanjun gives the answer he gives everyone else, hoping it would satisfy the other man. Most people didn’t really expect him to go to college in the first place anyway. “That’s a terrible excuse,” Zhangjing replies stubbornly, which surprises Yanjun a bit. No one had really been brave enough to challenge him on this before. “What’s the real reason?” Zhangjing prods, turning towards him after pushing the homework off to the side. Yanjun really doesn’t want to answer this honestly. He feels embarrassed, but he won’t admit that out loud. Yanjun turns his head away and scoffs, trying to hide the nervous look in his eyes.

 

“It’s okay,” Zhangjing is as perceptive as he his studious, gently rubbing Yanjun’s back. Yanjun feels his heart warm at the simple gesture. It’s then that he realizes he hasn’t had a hug from someone in months and his body was desperately craving affection. “Um,” Yanjun doesn’t know why he’s telling Zhangjing this. It’s not like he’d feel obligated to explain himself to anyone else, so what makes Zhangjing any different? “I can’t afford it,” he eventually spits out, cheeks starting to warm. No one really knew about Yanjun’s financial status and he really liked to keep it that way, but Zhangjing doesn’t seem like the type to gossip, so he lets his guard down for a moment. 

 

“You can’t let that stop you from getting an education Yanjun. Take out some loans and start working now. It’ll be difficult, but you can do it! My cousin was in a similar situation and she got through it!” the tutor offers him an encouraging smile and it makes Yanjun feel a bit better. Still, a simple smile isn’t enough to make him think unrealistically. “It’ll be a waste of money and effort,” Yanjun quickly turns the idea down, shaking his head. “If I’m failing my classes now, what makes you think I’ll do any better in college? There’s no way I’d be able to graduate. I’m too stupid,” Yanjun doesn’t realize he’s getting choked up until he reaches the end of his sentence, throat feeling tight.

 

Zhangjing senses that this is a sensitive issue and gently grabs his hand. “You’re not stupid, you just need help. It’s okay to ask for help,” Zhangjing explains, but Yanjun thinks he doesn’t understand. Yanjun has been self-sufficient his entire life (except for the financial help from his mom). Asking for help is what weak people do. Yanjun is perfectly capable with taking care of himself. When he doesn’t reply, Zhangjing gives his hand a squeeze, “Even the best of us ask for it. I’m smart, but I didn’t get good grades on my own, you know.” Deciding that wasn’t enough to encourage him, Zhangjing takes him into his arms and rubs his back, “You’re not a bad kid, Yanjun. I think you just need some direction. I believe in you.” It sounds corny, but it’s enough to make Yanjun cry in front of another person for the first time in years. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Instances and mentions of abuse (neglect, emotional abuse, and slight physical abuse). If that makes you uncomfortable, you could message me on twitter (@meiyouzhangjing) and I can explain to you what happened in the chapter!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooo guess who finally updated???? As always, your comments are appreciated! Also, I start summer classes next Monday, so I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update, but I'll try my best to get the next chapter up before then!
> 
> Also I did not proofread this at all, so I apologize if there are any mistakes (I'll fix them later if I find any!)

Yanjun wakes up to Zhangjing on top of him, face resting on his chest with their legs tangled together. “Cute” Yanjun mutters to himself, sitting up slightly to get into a more comfortable position. When he sees a crease forming in between the man’s brows, Yanjun feels a bit guilty, thinking that he must have woken him up. The guilt however, turns to concern when Zhangjing begins to cough. His forehead feels hot when Yanjun presses the back of his hand against it to check for a fever. “Shit,” Yanjun sits up a bit more and gently rubs the man’s arm. “Zhangjing,” he whispers when the other’s eyes flutter open. “Huh?” Zhangjing weakly rubs his eye, then glances up at his best friend. “Are you feeling okay?” Yanjun’s frown stretches when Zhangjing coughs once again. Zhangjing replies with a predominantly incoherent answer, but the raspiness of his voice tells Yanjun everything he needs to know. Without hesitating a second longer Yanjun takes the man into his arms and rises to his feet. After carefully placing Zhangjing’s head on his shoulder, Yanjun shuffles towards his bedroom.

 

Once Zhangjing is lying on his mattress, Yanjun props a pillow under his head and pulls the blankets up over his body. “I’ll be right back,” he doesn’t know if Zhangjing is even conscious enough to understand what he’s saying, but he decides to speak anyway just in case. In the kitchen, he scans through his cabinet for anything that would help Zhangjing feel better. At least neither of them had work today, meaning that Yanjun could put all of his energy towards making Zhangjing feel better. About a minute later, he returns with a bottle of medicine in one hand, a cup of water in the other, and a damp washcloth hanging on his forearm. “Zhangjing wake back up for a second,” Yanjun sets everything down on his nightstand and gets in bed beside his friend. Zhangjing blinks up at him when Yanjun holds the cup and a pill towards him. Grunting slightly, Zhangjing readjusts himself to a better angle and slowly takes the cup in his hand. After downing the pill and taking a big gulp of water, he hands the cup back and goes back to laying down.

 

Once Zhangjing seems comfortable, Yanjun retrieves the cloth and turns back to him. He can’t help but note how soft the man’s hair is when he pushes Zhangjing’s bangs back. Afterwards, he carefully places the cloth on Zhangjing’s forehead and gently presses it into his skin. The elder keeps lulling in and out of sleep, so Yanjun decides to take this opportunity to just observe him. Hesitant fingers trace over the outlines of Zhangjing’s features and Yanjun takes in his appearance. A thumb brushes over the other’s cheeks and Yanjun sighs when he realizes they aren’t as full as he remembers them being. “You need to eat more,” he whispers, already planning out a delicious meal that he knew Zhangjing couldn’t pass up. Eventually, his fingers drop down to the man’s lips and Yanjun subconsciously bites his own. They still had yet to properly discuss what happened between them. While Yanjun of course felt bad that Zhangjing was sick, he was also a bit relieved. This gave him some time to sort out his feelings before Zhangjing approaches the topic again. “Get some sleep okay? I’ll be back later to check on you,” Yanjun gets up from the bed and glances at Zhangjing one last time before turning off the light and exiting the room.

 

* * *

 

While they both took care of each other a fair amount now, things didn’t always used to be that way. As the older (and more mature) of the two, Zhangjing sort of took it upon himself to look after Yanjun during college. Zhangjing had his parents and his other family to rely on, but Yanjun could only really come to him for guidance. The rocky relationship Yanjun had with his mother withered even more after high school graduation and none of his friends were particularly good influences (with the exception of Chaoze, sometimes). He and Chaoze didn’t have that close of a relationship though. As roommates, they lived together, but Yanjun still found it difficult to open up in front of him. They weren’t nearly close enough for him to feel comfortable having deep conversations with the bespectacled man. His closest bond was with Zhangjing, meaning that he would only spill his heart out to him.

 

Consequently, Chaoze never quite understood why Yanjun acted the way he did. Still, as a friend he was concerned for him whenever he wasn’t acting normal. “Zhangjing,” Chaoze ran up to the man after their calculus class one day and placed a hand on his shoulder. Gnawing on his lower lip in worry, Chaoze removes his hand and gives Zhangjing a hopeless look. “Yanjun hasn’t left his room in three days, at least when I’ve been home. Do you know what’s going on? I don’t want to intrude by interrogating him about it, but I’m getting concerned,” he says and Zhangjing frowns. “Is he sick?” he questions, hoping it was just that and not what he predicts is probably the issue. “I’m not sure. I didn’t want to bother him by being too nosey, so I haven’t really seen him,” the younger sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. “Okay, I’ll drop by later when I’m done with classes and talk to him. Don’t worry too much, I’ll take care of it,” Zhangjing offers the man a reassuring smile and Chaoze returns it, feeling a bit more comforted knowing that Yanjun would be in good hands soon.

 

The bus ride over is riddled with anxiety. Zhangjing taps his foot against the floor persistently, earning him more than a few annoyed stares. When he arrives, the door is unlocked. Chaoze wouldn’t be home for another hour, but he made sure Zhangjing would be able to get inside without trouble. “Yanjun?” he slips off his shoes and leaves them by the entrance, waiting for a reply but receiving none. As he nears Yanjun’s room, he hears sniffles. Maybe he was right about his friend being sick after all? When Zhangjing opens the door, he gets no reaction from the lump laying in the darkness. However, once he is just a few steps from the bed, Yanjun stills. Maybe he didn’t hear him come in? After a few seconds, Yanjun wipes his face and sits up and Zhangjing feels his chest constrict. Even in the darkness he can see the redness of Yanjun’s eyes. “Hi,” Zhangjing says softly, toes curling in nervousness. His words are parroted when Yanjun lets out a weak “hi” in response. His voice sounds hoarse and Zhangjing can’t help but notice the tear stains on his cheeks. Yanjun isn’t looking at him and Zhangjing knows he’s just prolonging the inevitable. He’d talk eventually, even if Zhangjing had to pry for hours. “Have you been taking your medicine?” Zhangjing inquires and Yanjun remains silent, biting his lip.

 

Zhangjing lets out a sigh, but tries his best not to sound too upset. He felt frustrated that Yanjun kept skipping, but he had to try and be sympathetic. Up until recently, Yanjun hadn’t been taking proper care of himself. It took years to just convince him that therapy could be helpful. Yanjun only decided to go when they entered university and that was only because it was cheaper. Though the man hadn’t talked too much about it, Zhangjing could tell he was making progress. Yanjun was never comfortable around authority figures, but one day Zhangjing saw him laughing with his therapist after one of their sessions. That had to mean something because the only adult Zhangjing had ever seen Yanjun smiling around was an older woman who offered him free drinks at a bar they went to last semester.

 

Zhangjing was happy that at least Yanjun looked embarrassed for skipping. For a few months, Yanjun would get very stubborn with him, arguing that he shouldn’t have to take medicine to feel normal. Now, Yanjun knew better. However, whenever things started to get bad, he wouldn’t take care of himself. This meant going days without eating, showering, or taking his medicine. He would sleep all day and skip his classes, only really getting up to use the bathroom. Zhangjing couldn’t judge him. Although he had his own problems, Zhangjing at least had support from his family. It made sense that Yanjun struggled to decipher what was and wasn’t appropriate coping mechanisms.

 

“I know it’s hard Yanjun, but you have to do it,” Zhangjing explained, climbing into bed with Yanjun after turning on the lamp beside them. Carefully, he laid Yanjun’s head on his shoulder and began to comb his fingers through his hair. The two laid there in silence, both staring up at the ceiling while waiting for words to come to them. After a while, Zhangjing hears a sniff and looks at Yanjun, whose eyes were starting to get watery again. Suddenly thinking of an idea, Zhangjing reaches down to give Yanjun’s hand a squeeze before getting up, “I’ll be right back.”

 

He disappears into Yanjun’s bathroom for a second and returns with the medicine. He first sets the bottle down and then leaves to go to the kitchen. Minutes later, he comes back with a pair of chopsticks and noodles. “Eat, you’ll feel better,” he explains before handing the bowl to his friend. Yanjun moves slow, but eventually takes a bundle of noodles into his mouth, much to Zhangjing’s excitement. Zhanjing knew Yanjun wanted to be adamant and refuse the food, but after going days without eating, he couldn’t resist it.

 

“Let’s play a game,” Zhangjing suggests, peaking Yanjun’s interest. The younger raises an eyebrow at him and chews his food. “What are the rules?” Yanjun sets the bowl down to the side and blinks at the other man. “I’m going to tickle you,” Zhangjing moves to sit at Yanjun’s feet, a mischievous glint in his eye. “That’s hardly a game,” Yanjun argues, but seems amused nonetheless. “I know, but it’ll make you smile,” Zhangjing explains and the slight tug at the corner of Yanjun’s mouth increases Zhangjing’s excitement.

 

In seconds, Zhangjing is straddling Yanjun’s hips, the younger thrashing around to try and escape his fingers. Yanjun bites down on his lip harshly, fighting hard to contain his laughter. However, he doesn’t last long under the older man, soon turning into a giggling fit. The redness dusting Yanjun’s cheeks and the man’s bright, genuine smile leaves Zhangjing mesmerized. It isn’t until Yanjun’s laughter subsides that Zhangjing realized he had stopped tickling him.

 

They both stare into each other’s eyes, chests rising and falling in unison as they try to catch their breaths. No words are exchanged between them and Zhangjing can’t pinpoint what exactly has him so tongue-tied. “Oh my god-” the moment is ruined when Chaoze shrieks from the doorway, hands flying up to cover his eyes. “At least send me a courtesy text if you’re going to do this in our apartment. I’m leaving before this goes any further.” Zhangjing immediately pulls away, face flushing as he vehemently insists that nothing was happening. Yanjun just smirks, watching in amazement as Zhangjing chases after his roommate to try and convince him that  he had misinterpreted the situation.

 

* * *

 

When Zhangjing wakes up, he’s feeling much better, but Yanjun insists that he stays in bed. It doesn’t take much convincing, Zhangjing loves to be pampered. They decide on finishing the marathon they started last night, snuggled up on Zhangjing’s bed together. By the time evening comes around, Zhangjing convinces Yanjun that he’s well enough to go home. They both have work in the morning, so it makes sense that Zhangjing doesn’t want to stay super late. Yanjun reluctantly agrees to let him go, but not before packing up some meds along with a canister of soup.

 

As Yanjun walks Zhangjing to his car, he celebrates internally. Zhangjing has yet to bring up what happened and Yanjun suspects that he might get away with a completely drama-free day between the two of them. “Hey Yanjun,” Zhangjing turns to face him after opening the car door and Yanjun decides that he celebrated too soon upon seeing the expression on his face. “Yeah?” he crosses his arms over his chest and tries his best to act oblivious. Zhangjing senses his nervousness and lets out a sigh. “Let’s talk tomorrow,” he decides to give the younger a bit more time, but it isn’t enough to give Yanjun any real comfort. “Okay,” Yanjun sighs and steps back a bit as Zhangjing gets into the driver’s seat. Zhangjing looks up at him and forces a smile, “I’ll see you at work?” Yanjun responds with a terse nod and a quiet “yeah” before he waves goodbye to the man. Zhangjing looks like he wants to say something, but instead just closes his door and slowly drives off.

 

Neither of them get much sleep that night.

  



	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As always, I did not proofread this bc I'm lazy

Zhangjing wishes he could just go back to sleep. Of course, he set this day up to be dramatic and nerve-wracking; it was technically his fault. If he hadn’t told Yanjun to talk to him today, then they could just ignore the situation and go back to normal. Problem solved. Nothing was that simple, however. Even if they went through tomorrow without any awkward encounters (which was highly unlikely), they would still have to deal with this issue eventually. Prolonging the inevitable wouldn’t help either of them. 

 

Unsurprisingly his morning goes terribly. When Zhangjing pushes off the covers and finally slides off his mattress, he glances at his phone. Somehow he managed to waste half an hour staring up at the ceiling, wishing that his bed would swallow him whole. This means that he only has half an hour to get ready to leave. Hair greasy and face swollen, Zhangjing begrudgingly shuffles over to his bathroom, curling his nose in disgust as he spots his reflection in the mirror. 

 

There isn’t much he could do to make himself look better, but Zhangjing strips off his clothes and heads towards the shower anyway. He only really has time to wash his body, so his hair still looks awful when he dries himself off. Oh well, if Yanjun is going to reject him later, he might as well no put in any effort. At least then it won’t look like he’s trying too hard. 

 

Once he is looking at least someone presentable in a pair of black pants and a burgundy dress shirt, Zhangjing decides that he’d better not procrastinate any longer. Getting scolded for being late won’t make his day any better. And so, the man steps outside to his car and finally leaves for work.

 

Yanjun doesn’t look at him when he reaches his cubicle. Zhangjing shouldn’t be surprised, but he can’t ignore the painful jab to his heart. Would it be like this all day? Zhangjing wonders if he should say “hi” or at least do something to get Yanjun’s attention, something to bring at least a small smile to the man’s face. He doesn’t do either. No matter how much he wants things to be okay between them, Zhangjing is afraid of making the first move towards repairing their relationship. The air between them was fragile. He didn’t want to do anything that would cause Yanjun to avoid him any more than he already was. 

 

Sighing, Zhangjing turns on his computer and rolls up the sleeves to his shirt. Maybe his work would be interesting enough to distract him? He really hadn’t gotten much done the last time he was here, so this could be his chance to catch up. 

 

In the process of grabbing a pen out of the cup on his desk, Zhangjing knocks down a few papers. Not thinking much of it, he swivels in his chair and bends down to pick them up. A pair of hands beat him to it and Zhangjing cringes when he realizes who they belong to. Not wanting to be rude, he lifts his eyes to meet Yanjun’s which look just as hesitant. “Thank you,” Zhangjing gently grabs them and turns back to his desk, heart racing. He has no idea how he’ll manage to talk to Yanjun later if he feels like he’s going to pass out just looking at the man.

 

* * *

 

The fact that Yanjun decides to show up at lunch throws Zhangjing off. The man planned on having some alone time to cry to Chaoze about how he’d die alone and how Yanjun would never speak to him again. Chaoze gives him a sympathetic look and pats his thigh under the table when Yanjun sits down. Both Zhangjing and Yanjun silently open their lunches while Chaoze’s brows knot in concern. The tension between them could be cut with a knife and seeing Chaoze’s leg anxiously bouncing up and down out of the corner of his eye isn’t really helping Zhangjing relax. 

 

“Um… so,” Chaoze starts, hoping to lighten the mood of the room, “apparently Mr. Zhang isn’t exactly roommates with that Junmyeon guy. Justin wouldn’t say exactly what was happening between them, but it seems they’re a bit closer than we thought.” Even though he isn’t quite in the mood for this right now, Zhangjing lets out a small laugh, not wanting Chaoze’s efforts to be in vain. Contrary to what he would expect, Yanjun doesn’t even crack a smile. Instead, he stares blankly into his coffee, food barely touched. 

 

“Uh,” Chaoze gulps when he doesn’t get much of a reply. What could he do to remedy this situation? The man opens his mouth to speak again, but is at a loss for words. No one at the table is really in the mood to talk, so they fall silent, everyone staring at the table without saying a word. Eventually, it becomes too unbearable for Zhangjing.

 

“I can’t do this,” Zhangjing shakes his head and rises to his feet. The next moment, he is out the door, stepping quickly down the hallway. He isn’t certain where he’s headed. All he knows is that he wants to be as far away from Yanjun as possible. “Zhangjing!” his heart rate spikes as said man calls after him, but he refuses to stop. Gritting his teeth, Zhangjing continues down the hallway, acting as if he didn’t hear a think. Suddenly, he is yanked back by his wrist. Both men come to a halt and Zhangjing turns around, looking expectantly up at the other man. 

 

Seconds pass and Yanjun does nothing. He won’t meet Zhangjing’s eyes and his lip is caught between his teeth. It’s as if he’s waiting for him to speak first, but if Yanjun isn’t going to put any effort towards this then neither is he. Jerking his arm away, Zhangjing scoffs and continues heading down the hallway. When he hears footsteps following him, Zhangjing picks up the pace, soon dipping into the bathroom. Knowing Yanjun is right behind, he attempts to slam the door shut. It’s childish, he knows, but he acts stupid sometimes when he’s angry. 

 

Unfortunately, this method doesn’t work too well for him because Yanjun is easily able to force his way into the room. “What?” Zhangjing finally shouts in frustration, glaring at Yanjun as their eyes meet. “I thought you wanted to talk!” Yanjun looks annoyed, chest rising and falling quickly. Zhangjing crosses his arms over his chest and scoffs, “Well you don’t seem willing to do that, so why should I even try?” “I’m here now, isn’t that what you wanted?” Yanjun voice is loud, which triggers Zhangjing to raise his own. “I don’t  _ want  _ any of this! Why don’t you just leave so I can-” Zhangjing is suddenly cut off when Yanjun leans forward. The bathroom isn’t most romantic place to kiss, but Zhangjing still finds himself melting anyway. He reaches up to grip Yanjun’s shirt and pulls him closer as he steps back to lean against the wall. Their mouths move gently against each other and Zhangjing momentarily forgets how to breathe.

 

Yanjun’s cheeks are flushed and he tries to follow Zhangjing’s lips when he pulls away from the kiss in order to catch his breath. Their faces are centimeters apart and at this distance Zhangjing can see all of the emotions swirling in his eyes. Zhangjing hated that he couldn’t tell what Yanjun was thinking. He looked scared, but Zhangjing didn’t know why. Was he worrying that Zhangjing would reject him? Or maybe he was regretting the kiss? Maybe he just acted on impulse and wasn’t really thinking clearly?

 

The two fall into silence after that, neither of them daring to move an inch. It’s Yanjun who speaks first, gesturing towards the door, “Should we-” “Yeah,” they both reach for the handle at the same time and Zhangjing’s face heats up when their fingers touch. He feels a bit relieved when they are finally in the hallway. Talking in the bathroom was a bit nerve wracking. Someone could have walked in on them at any time and Zhangjing really didn’t want to have this conversation with someone taking a piss a few feet over. 

 

Yanjun leads him to an empty meeting room and flicks on the light before gently closing the door. He parts his lips to speak, but Zhangjing stops him by placing a hand on his chest. “Listen,” Zhangjing chews on his lower lip nervously and forces himself to look at the taller man. He couldn’t shake the feeling that this is going to end horribly. “Yanjun, I really  _ really  _ like you,” he says lowly, trying his best to keep his voice stable. “Tell me why you kissed me. I thought you didn’t want this…” he sees Yanjun preparing to explain himself, but decides to cut him off again. “Don’t lie to make me feel better, okay? If you don’t have feelings for me, just say it. I might be upset, but I value our friendship too much to let my own feelings get between us,” tears prick his eyes as he speaks. He knew he’d never be able to fully prepare himself for a rejection from his friend, so he wishes he could procrastinate a bit longer. Still, they had to have this talk at some point.

 

He turns his head away when he hears Yanjun sigh. This is it. Yanjun’s going to reject him and their friendship will wither away and it’s all his fault. Zhangjing wishes he could go back in time and stop himself from kissing Yanjun at Xukun’s party. Zhangjing flinches when Yanjun reaches a hand up to brush his fingers through his hair. While the gesture is comforting, Zhangjing feels confused because Yanjun looks like he wants to cry. “Yanjun, what is it?” he asks carefully, moving his hand to cradle Yanjun’s cheek in his palm. 

 

“I'm scared…” the younger man practically whispers and Zhangjing’s eyebrows knit in concern. “What are you afraid of?” he asks, gently stroking the other’s skin with his thumb. Yanjun places his hand over Zhangjing’s and bites his lip. “I’m afraid of disappointing you. I want to be with you and you make me so happy, but what if I fuck things up? I don’t want you to hate me if I do something stupid. You’re the only person that I’m close to and I really don’t want to ruin what we have if I end up being an idiot while we’re together. I can’t lose you,” Yanjun looks away and blinks the tears out of his eyes. His face is turning red and he’s starting to breathe heavier. “Yanjun, what makes you think you’d be a bad partner? You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met,” Zhangjing turns Yanjun’s face back towards him and tries to look as sincere as possible. He wants Yanjun to know that he’s serious about what he’s said. “I don’t know,” Yanjun sighs in frustration and runs his fingers through his hair. “I just feel like I always mess things up. I wouldn’t be a good boyfriend. You’ve done more than enough to help me but I’m horrible at reciprocating. I can’t even take care of myself, so I don’t know if I could take care of you.” 

 

Zhangjing takes a moment to think of the proper words to say. What could he do to reassure the other man? He really wanted to help Yanjun be more comfortable with just letting himself be happy, but he knew Yanjun didn’t quite have the confidence for that yet. “I know you don’t believe it, but you are one of the most sensitive and considerate people I know. You don’t have to be perfect, I’m happy with who you are now,” he smiles and wipes Yanjun’s tears, “Don’t cry, okay? You’re so handsome when you smile.” Yanjun sniffs and nods, the corners of his lips finally tugging upwards. “Do you think we could just give it a try? It doesn’t have to be much different than how we are now,” Zhangjing gives him a hopeful look, but panics slightly when Yanjun doesn’t say anything. When the male takes in a deep breath, Zhangjing tenses up and tries to prepare himself for the worst. “Okay.” It takes Zhangjing a moment to process what Yanjun said. “Wait, really?” “Really?” Zhangjing’s heart skips a beat when Yanjun’s dimples appear on his cheeks. Overwhelmed with excitement, Zhangjing surges forward to press his lips against Yanjun’s. They stay like that for a few seconds before Yanjun pulls away. “Why are you crying? Am I that bad of a kisser” he asks, an amused smirk on his lips. “Shut up idiot,” Zhangjing hits him gently, but smiles, wiping the tears from his eyes. 

 

“I think we should probably go back now. If Mr. Zhang finds out that we’ve been missing for this long, he’ll probably give us extra work,” Yanjun reaches for the door and pulls it open, stepping back to let Zhangjing walk out first. “Good thinking,” the shorter man says, feeling giddy when Yanjun grabs his hand. The two start walking back to their cubicles, passing Chaoze’s desk on the way. Chaoze looks worried when he makes eye contact with Zhangjing, but when his gaze drops down to see their fingers intertwine, a bright look emerges on his face. Zhangjing can tell he really wants to squeal about it or say something to tease them, but Zhangjing stops him with a threatening glare. Yanjun apparently is too busy looking at Zhangjing with adoring eyes, so he doesn’t notice when Chaoze mouths “wear protection”. Zhangjing’s whole face goes red and he has to try his best to restrain himself from walking over and choking Chaoze. The later laughs and turns back around to face his desk, a grin on his lips. “Who are you looking at?” Yanjun asks suddenly, causing Zhangjing to flinch. “No one!” he replies with a squeaking voice, to which Chaoze responds to with a snicker.

 

The two finally sit down and Zhangjing feels like he could walk on air. A huge wait has been lifted from his shoulders and he can’t help but flush every time Yanjun sneaks a glance at him instead of focusing on his work. Zhangjing can’t blame him, he’s doing the same thing. After about fifteen minutes of doing this, they turn their heads towards each other at the same time and giggle in reaction, too enamored with each other to hear the sound of Chaoze gagging in the background. 

News seems to spread quickly, because at the end of the day, Linong skips towards them with an bright grin on his face. “Are you guys really…” his voices trails off as he gestures between them and Zhangjing blushes, glancing over at Yanjun. The latter grins and nods, pulling an excited gasp from the youngest. “Oh my gosh guys, congratulations! I’m so happy for you,” Linong reaches a hand up for a high-five which Zhangjing finds both awkward and endearing. 

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” Zhangjing turns towards Yanjun as they reach the parking lot. “Tonight,” the taller smiles and unlocks his car, stuffing a hand into his pocket, “I’ll pick you up at your apartment at seven. Wear something nice.” With that, he slips into the driver’s seat and shuts the door, leaving Zhangjing standing there with butterflies swarming in his tummy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooooo this took forever to actually update! I started my chinese 201 class this week, so I've been SUPER SUPER busy!! I rarely have time to do anything besides studying and homework, so I'm so sorry for the long wait! From now on I'll probably only be able to update every weekend or every other weekend, but I think I might try to finish this story soon? I don't know, it depends whether or not I get more inspiration! Anyway, I really hoped you liked the chapter! We finally got another kiss, yay!! Tell me what you think below if you want, comments are always appreciated! If you don't know what to comment, recommend me your favorite Nine Percent or IP fics! Or you could promote your own, I'd be happy to read them!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wooooo!!! Guess who finally updated??? I just had my final for C201 Friday so I'll be starting C202 on Monday! Wish me luck! Since I have this chapter out of the way, I think I'll start with the fic requests next, so look forward to those! So sorry for the wait, I've been extremely busy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't proofread at all and it's 3AM please forgive me for any mistakes! Also I know I've been slacking on replying to comments, but I'll make sure to reply to everything on this chapter!

“Yanjun, why did you tell me to wear something nice? My clothes aren’t really… suited for this,” Zhangjing glances down at his black dress pants moves his legs around a bit, relieved to see that they were at least a little bit stretchy. His shirt however, wasn’t the most flexible thing in the world and Zhangjing was really regretting picking such stiff fabric. Rolling up his sleeves, Zhangjing glances over at his date who was dressed casually, sporting a pair of black jeans along with a red sweatshirt.  His own outfit was already uncomfortable enough, it’s going to be even worse ice skating in. Opening his mouth to complain, Zhangjing glances up at Yanjun’s face; however, when he sees the guilty frown tugging down the corners of his lips and the anxious look in his eyes, Zhangjing decides to just forget about it and smiles. He didn’t want to ruin the night by making Yanjun feel bad. 

 

“Honestly, I was just trying to be smooth,” Yanjun admits as they waddle their way towards the ice, Zhangjing having way too much trouble trying to balance on his skates. “I’ve heard people say that line of TV, so I thought it’d sound charming. If it makes you feel any better, I think you look amazing,” Yanjun blinks prettily at him and Zhangjing wants to melt. 

 

Luckily, the place isn’t that busy. Aside from them, it’s just two other couples and a mom with two of her kids. At least if Zhangjing makes a fool of himself, there won’t be too many witnesses. “I’m probably gonna die on here, so if this is my last moment on this earth, please make it special,” Zhangjing says, clutching onto Yanjun’s arm for dear life as they make their way into the rink. Yanjun chuckles in response and shakes his head, “You’re exaggerating. I’m sure you’re not that bad!”

 

Zhangjing was that bad. The second he tried to start skating, Zhangjing was falling all over the place. He somehow managed to accidentally do an (almost) split when one leg started to slide forward while the other remained stationary. By some miracle, his pants did not rip in the process. Of course, Yanjun is almost in tears from laughing so hard at his many failed attempts to try and stand up. Had it been anyone else, Zhangjing would have been furious, but Yanjun’s laughter ringing in his ear causes his stomach to do somersaults. Okay, he’s still a little mad, but the moment Yanjun offers his hand, Zhangjing takes it with enthusiasm. 

 

They start out slow, Zhangjing following Yanjun’s lead as they skate along the outer edges. While Yanjun suggests that they try and skate more towards the middle, Zhangjing insists on balancing part of his weight along the wall as a preventative measure. Eventually, he becomes confident enough in abilities to skate without it, but it’s not long before he slips and begins to fall to the ground. 

 

Honestly, Zhangjing thought he was done for, but seconds later he is jerked back up, Yanjun’s fingers gripping tightly at his waist as he holds his body close, “You okay?” Zhangjing swears his is about to die. The spot on his body at Yanjun is touching feels like it’s on fire and the concerned look on Yanjun’s face has Zhangjing half convinced that he’s dreaming. How does a guy like Yanjun feel so much affection for him? Coughing slightly, Zhangjing thanks the man and once again hold is hand, heart thrumming in excitement.

 

They stop to take a break about twenty minutes later because even though Yanjun had caught him the first time, Zhangjing fell down a good five times after that. They sit together at a table by the concessions area, Yanjun is fiddling with the laces of his skates while Zhangjing massages his sore ankles. The music is playing a bit loud through the speakers (he’s a bit annoyed by this because it honestly doesn’t have to be that loud if there’s less than ten customers there), but when Zhangjing stomach rumbles, Yanjun quickly turns his head to look. “Are you hungry?” he asks and Zhangjing gives him a sheepish smile. “I thought we were going to dinner, so I haven’t eaten yet,” the man admits and Yanjun’s face pales. “Oh my god, I’m an idiot,” Yanjun closes his eyes and rubs his temples. “I’m really really sorry, I should have thought of that. I’m a terrible date,” he sighs and glances over at Zhangjing with a guilt-ridden expression. “It’s okay…” Zhangjing responds, but it’s hardly convincing when his stomach rumbles again. 

 

Yanjun looks stresses trying to think of a solution and Zhangjing honestly feels bad for him. He knew Yanjun was trying his best. Thankfully, Yanjun brightens up all of a sudden, rising to his feet. “I know where we can go! Let’s put our skates up and I’ll take you there!” Yanjun unlaces both of his skates and quickly carries them over (along with Zhangjing’s) to the counter where he exchanges them for their shoes.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“This hardly counts as dinner,” Zhangjing glances up at the neon “icecream” sign hovering above their heads with a raised eyebrow. However, he quickly shuts his mouth when he sees the disappointed look on his date’s face. “I’m sorry, we can just go to another place. I thought you would like it because-” Yanjun starts, but is cut off with a laugh from Zhangjing. “Yanjun,” said male glances over at Zhangjing when he speaks, unable to hide the pout on his lips, “Don’t worry, I love it,” Zhangjing gives his hand a squeeze and grins, feeling relieved when he sees Yanjun light up. 

 

Honestly, he does love it. After Zhangjing started tutoring Yanjun in high school, the two of them would always come here afterwards and enjoy a treat. Yanjun was always embarrassed, because he didn’t really have the money to buy anything, but Zhangjing always offered to pay for the both of them. Eventually, Yanjun got used to it and would enjoy the sweet dessert without hesitation. It’s a sentimental place for the both of them; though, Zhangjing hasn’t been here in years.

 

The two of them head inside together and Yanjun refuses to let Zhangjing pay for his own. Zhangjing can only grin because he’s happy that his friend is finally able to afford nice things for himself. They wait together at a table towards the back, Yanjun desperately trying to play footsie with him while Zhangjing explains that he’s too dignified for such childish games. Of course, he gives in seconds later. Their giggles are almost enough to drown out the sound of someone calling out their order.

 

Yanjun hands him a strawberry cone while licking his own, which was mint chocolate chip. The two sit together in comfortable silence afterwards, enjoying their “dinner”. Yanjun can’t stand it for much longer, though, and decides to speak, “Hey Zhangjing.”  _ This can’t be good _ , Zhangjing thinks, eyeing the smirk on the other man’s lips. “What?” he hesitantly responds, completely suspicious of the other’s plans. “We’re mint to be,” a self-satisfied grin makes its way onto Yanjun’s face and Zhangjing just groans. He thought they were over this at this point. “Oh my god, you’re so greasy,” he complains, losing his appetite because Yanjun’s joke was just that corny. 

 

“You make me melt~” Yanjun decides to go there because why wouldn’t he and Zhangjing pretends to gag. “You make me want to throw up,” Zhangjing retaliates, deciding to finish up his icecream before it becomes a liquid mess in his hands. “Oh, wait a sec,” Yanjun gently grabs Zhangjing’s chin and takes a napkin to dab at the side of his lips. Once he is satisfied with his cleaning job, he smiles and leans forward for a kiss. A kiss on the mouth. In public. Zhangjing’s face turns beet red and he is much to flustered to respond with coherent sentences. And so, he blabbers out complete nonsense as his heart flutters in his chest.

 

 

* * *

  
  


As they exit the building to leave, Zhangjing mentions that he left a jacket at Yanjun’s place. Yanjun, of course, offers to stop by there to pick it up before he takes him back home. When the two arrive, Yanjun heads to his room to retrieve the jacket and Zhangjing decides to get comfortable on the couch. He wasn’t quite ready to go back to his apartment yet, so this was his way of procrastinating. Being the beginning of august, it was hot as fuck in Yanjun’s apartment. And so, Zhangjing groaned and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, hoping it would help him cool off a bit. It was then that he turned to see Yanjun, jacket in hand, looking at him with an unreadable expression. 

 

The man’s cheeks were a bit red and Zhangjing couldn’t miss him swallowing thickly. “W-what?” Zhangjing temperature spikes and he starts to think that he wouldn’t be cooling off any time soon. “Um,” Yanjun bites his lip, jacket gripped tightly in his fingers as he tries to come up with something to say. “It’s kind of late. Do you wanna uh… Do you wanna maybe spend the night?” his voice gets quieter the more he speaks and Zhangjing’s thoughts start to run wild with the implications of his words. He had to remind himself that he was completely jumping to conclusions.

 

“Yeah, sure,” Zhangjing wipes his sweaty palms on the couch cushion and tries to ignore his racing heart. It’s not like he hadn’t stayed over plenty of times before, but the context was different now. There wasn’t  _ this  _ type of tension between them all of the other times he’d been over. “Do you want something to drink?” Yanjun offers, bringing Zhangjing out of his thoughts as he makes his way to the kitchen. “Sure,” Zhangjing relaxes on the couch a bit more, watching Yanjun’s every mood. “Water or...” the man replies, taking two glasses down from the cupboard. “Actually, could I have some wine?” Zhangjing asks, he could use something to make him feel less nervous. Yanjun complies, pouring a glass for his date and one for himself. Soon, the man returns and plops down on the couch, setting their drinks down on the short table in front of them. 

 

“Thank you for tonight,” Zhangjing says softly before picking up his drink and taking a (large) sip of it. He really needed to calm his nerves. Yanjun follows suit and pulls off his sweatshirt. The man looks hesitant about something, so Zhangjing sets down his drink and turns to him. “What is it?” he asks, feeling a bit concerned. “Can I kiss you?” Yanjun’s voice sounds a bit strained and Zhangjing is a confused. It’s not like Yanjun asked permission earlier. “Of course,” he replies, and Yanjun slowly leans forward to capture his lips with his own. Zhangjing eagerly complies and  _ oh  _ he thinks as Yanjun deepens the kiss, now he understands. 

 

Heart slamming against his chest, Zhangjing pulls Yanjun a bit closer and threads his fingers through the man’s hair, which draws a groan from said man’s throat. Yanjun presses against his chest lightly and Zhangjing falls back against the arm of the couch. When Yanjun’s hands drop down to his hips, Zhangjing moans gently into his mouth, which only seems to encourage him. The two pull away for a moment to breathe and the dazed look in Yanjun’s eyes causes Zhangjing to shiver. 

 

All of this has him wondering if today was even real because it was too good to be true. “Yanjun,” he pants against the other’s mouth and looks up into his eyes. “Yeah?” Yanjun gently rubs Zhangjing’s sides, causing goosebumps to rise on his skin. “Let’s take this to your room.” “Yeah, okay…”


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My sad attempt at writing smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooo! Guess who finally got another chapter out! My Chinese program is finished now, so I have time to write again!! I'm really sorry for the long wait and I really hope you guys haven't lost interest in this fic ;-;
> 
> I've also been working on Fic Requests! I know I haven't gotten anything out yet, but I've written like 50% of three different requests that I just can't manage to finish due to writer's block, but expect some of that soon (hopefully)!
> 
> I also want to preface this by saying I CANNOT WRITE SMUT. And so, I got A LOT of help from my friends dauntingjongin and lost_stickie_note who are both amazing authors on AO3 and you should totally check out their stories (I'll link their pages at the end of these notes). But yeah honestly I can't go on without giving credit to these two wonderful people who legit wrote like 40% of this istg. I guess you can say this was co-written by them! Anything that sounds good is written by them and all the sucky parts were all me lol
> 
> Anyway hope you enjoy the chapter! Here's the links to the other authors' pages:
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/dauntingjongin/pseuds/dauntingjongin
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_stickie_note/pseuds/lost_stickie_note

By the time they reach Yanjun’s room, Zhangjing starts to feel a bit queasy. Are they rushing into this? Was he acting impulsively? Still this is obviously something he wants, so he didn’t want to ruin the moment. He was just a bit nervous. The man had always felt a bit inferior towards his best friend in terms of looks. Even though Yanjun was relatively shy and didn’t like to really put himself out there, he always got more attention from girls during university. Yanjun typically turned down their advances, but it had Zhangjing thinking that Yanjun was objectively more attractive than him. So of course, even with his back up against the wall and Yanjun practically shoving his tongue down his throat, Zhangjing was a bit worried that Yanjun might be a bit disappointed when the clothes start coming off.

 

Eventually, Yanjun’s lips drop down to his neck and Zhangjing surprises even himself with the high pitched whine he lets out. Embarrassed to hear that sound coming out of him, Zhangjing slaps a hand over his mouth. Since Yanjun was definitely the type of person to tease him over something like this, Zhangjing really hopes that the man doesn’t take notice. With how attractive Yanjun is, Zhangjing assumes that the man probably has much more experience in this field. I mean, who wouldn’t want to sleep with him? Luckily, Yanjun doesn’t comment on it and instead pulls away to pull off his shirt, revealing his sculpted body underneath. Zhangjing’s head starts spinning and he even considers pinching himself in order to prove that all of this is real. 

 

Sooner than expected, they’re laying on Yanjun’s mattress, the man straddling his hips as he struggles to take off Zhangjing’s clothes. Yanjun has been working on the second button of Zhangjing’s shirt for the past thirty seconds, but it feels like thirty minutes with how worked up Zhangjing is. Yanjun pulls away with a frustrated huff and Zhangjing giggles, finding his focus endearing. When Yanjun leans closer, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, Zhangjing gets the urge to reach out and smooth the wrinkles on his forehead.

 

Noticing Yanjun’s shaky fingers Zhangjing’s nerves return like a flood. Does Yanjun feel forced? Zhangjing, filled with concern, pulls Yanjun’s hands into his own while rubbing them soothingly, “Are you okay?” Zhangjing isn’t expecting Yanjun to flush bright red, obviously embarrassed. Yanjun doesn’t hesitate when he says he’s fine and with a little coaxing reveals he is nervous. Zhangjing’s heart flutters with affection for the other man. It seems that even now it’s his job to calm Yanjun’s nerves and he swells with pride knowing that Yanjun feels comfortable enough around him to let his guard down. Seeing Yanjun’s hesitant expression makes Zhangjing stop again.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay? We can stop if you don’t want to do this,” Zhangjing sits up slowly, causing Yanjun to lean back a bit, and cups the younger man’s cheeks in his hands. Yanjun looks embarrassed and refuses to look him in the eyes. Zhangjing has a hunch, so he decides to test his theory out. “Are you a virgin?” Zhangjing asks and Yanjun hesitates for a moment before nodding. When Yanjun finally musters up the courage to look at Zhangjing, the man is tearing up and panic sets in. “What- What did I do? I’m sorry!” Yanjun brushes Zhangjing’s hair out of his face and frowns, worried that he’s said something wrong. “No, no, you’re fine,” Zhangjing wipes his eyes, practically beaming, “I’m just happy that you feel comfortable enough to do this with me is all. I feel special.” Yanjun smiles in response, which does things to Zhangjing’s heart. “How about I take the lead?” Zhangjing offers and Yanjun replies with a quick thank you before Zhangjing switches their positions.

 

They resume kissing, Zhangjing quickly unbuttoning his shirt to make up for lost time. Yanjun pulls away for a moment and places a hand on Zhangjing’s chest before asking, “Wait what about you?” Zhangjing’s brows furrow in confusion, “What?” “I mean, are you still a…” “Oh, uh,” Zhangjing blushes and puts on a thoughtful face before replying, “Not completely. I mean I haven’t gone ‘all the way’ but-” “With who?” Yanjun interrupts him with a question Zhangjing really doesn’t want to answer. “Uh, Chaoze and I may have done some experimenting in college,” he begrudgingly admits, regretting it once he sees the look on Yanjun’s face. “Ewww, Chaoze really? Why ask him to try out that kind of stuff with you when you had me?” the man’s nose curls in disgust and all Zhangjing wants to do is poke it because it’s so adorable. “To be fair I wasn’t exactly out at that time and Chaoze was the only openly gay person I knew in college. I wasn’t even aware that you liked boys until we got this job and I saw you flirting with Jeffrey in the breakroom,” he argues back with a frown on his lips.

 

“Are you jealous?” Yanjun is smirking, back to his usual cocky self and Zhangjing is relieved. He wants the man to feel as comfortable as possible if they’re going to continue doing this. Rolling his eyes, Zhangjing leans down for another kiss which gets heated very quickly. When both of them are out of breath, Yanjun pulls away with a smirk, glancing up at Zhangjing. “I love the view,” he comments and Zhangjing lets out an  ~~ unmanly ~~ squeak when Yanjun grabs his ass and pulls him closer. 

 

While the man seems quite confident with himself, a closer look reveals a light red dusting Yanjun’s cheeks. Zhangjing soon figures out why. Yanjun is really smooth when it comes to words, but he’s not so good with actually putting those words into action. He’ll tell Zhangjing how much he wants to fuck him, but when it comes to actually doing anything about it, Yanjun fumbles. As soon as Zhangjing asks Yanjun to help him remove his pants, Yanjun’s hands start trembling all over again. That’s when Zhangjing realizes that maybe Yanjun needs a bit of help because the man seems like he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

 

“Lay down and close your eyes,” Zhangjing orders gently, lightly pushing on Yanjun’s shoulders. The man offers him a confused look, to which Zhangjing responds to with a smile. “Relax baby, I’m going to help you,” he whispers, which is enough to convince Yanjun to listen to him. Once the other man finally has his eyes closed, Zhangjing gently rubs the man’s bare sides which causes him to shiver. “Why don’t you tell me what you think about to get off?” he says, slowly reaching his hands down to unbutton Yanjun’s jeans. The other man's cheeks go red and Zhangjing just wants to coo at how adorable he is. 

 

“I don’t really know specifically what to say,” Yanjun explains and Zhangjing can tell that he’s trying very hard to resist the urge to open his eyes. Zhangjing hums and begins to slide Yanjun’s jeans down his thighs. “Why don’t you tell me about the last time,” he suggests and the other lets out a sigh whenever Zhangjing sticks his thumb under the elastic of his underwear and brushes it against his hip bone. Yanjun seems reluctant to say anything, but eventually he relaxes and allows himself to speak. “It was earlier today actually… um, when I was in the shower,” he quietly admits, biting his lip afterwards. 

 

“Oh?” Zhangjing is intrigued. When Zhangjing says nothing further, Yanjun takes it upon himself to continue, “I was um… I was thinking about you sucking me off and-” Zhangjing is on the edge of his seat now, holding in his breath as he waits for Yanjun to go on. When he doesn’t, Zhangjing decides to give him a bit of encouragement, “And?” The fact that Yanjun was thinking about him at all made Zhangjing excited, but the added fact that Yanjun was jerking off while thinking about him only made his heart beat faster. 

 

Frustrated and with cheeks on fire, Yanjun opens his eyes to peak up at his lover. “Do I have to say it? It’s embarrassing,” he complains, and Zhangjing can’t resist pecking the adorable pout on his lips. When he pulls away, Zhangjing smiles down at him and shakes his head. “You don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, but for the record I think it’d be really hot,” the man tries to coax an answer out of him. “Really?” Yanjun seems unsure of himself so Zhangjing does his best to nod as enthusiasm. Yanjun stares at him in the eyes for a moment, then whines and covers his face with his hands, “I can’t do it.” 

 

By this point, Zhangjing’s heart feels like it’s going to burst. How could Yanjun be so cute at a moment like this? “Aw, baby it’s okay,” Zhangjing grins and starts to pepper kisses all over the man’s face. Yanjun giggles and squirms underneath him, trying to get away which ends up with his face flushed and his chest rising and falling heavily. Zhangjing is left breathless when the man looks up with him, eyes bright with love and excitement. 

 

“You look so gorgeous like this,” Zhangjing brushes his thumb over Yanjun’s lower lip and the man lets out a shaky breath. He leans down to litter kisses against the man’s collar, drawing soft moans from his mouth. “You sound so pretty,” Zhangjing says glancing up to peer at Yanjun’s expression. When he feels Yanjun’s dick twitch underneath him, some cogs start to turn in his brain and he parts his lips once he comes to a realization. “You like it when I compliment you?” he quirks up an eyebrow and grins when Yanjun slowly nods. Zhangjing just laughs because it’s so like Yanjun to enjoy something like that. “Don’t make fun of me,” Yanjun whines and turns his head away in embarrassment, but Zhangjing quickly tilts the man’s face towards him with three of his fingers. Maintaining eye contact for as long as he can, Zhangjing kisses Yanjun’s neck, then his collar, slowly inching lower and lower.

 

Zhangjing starts peppering kisses down Yanjun’s chest and the man is squirming beneath him. Once Zhangjing reaches his abs, he pulls down Yanjun’s underwear which causes the man to gasp. He pauses for a moment, a bit worried by the sound Yanjun let out, but when he glances up to see the man biting his lip impatiently, he realizes that Yanjun doesn’t want him to stop.

 

Zhangjing watches as Yanjun squeezes his eyes tightly, letting out another small gasp as he wraps his hand around the other man’s cock, squeezing lightly. Yanjun is more sensitive than he imagined, and Zhangjing feels the lust tighten in his lower body. He hesitantly licks the tip of Yanjun’s cock, eliciting a moan from him. “Please..” Yanjun’s lips are parted slightly, his cheeks flushed, his eyes fluttering open to stare at Zhangjing. He bends down to press a kiss to Yanjun’s forehead, reassuring the other man as his hand strokes Yanjun, feeling him harden  against his touch. “You said you thought about me sucking you off?” His voice is quiet, a low whisper tinged with longing. “Can I do that for you now?” Yanjun nods his consent, and Zhangjing moves downwards to take the other man into his mouth, hollowing out his cheeks as he takes in as much as he can. And the action surprises Yanjun, who instinctively bucks up against Zhangjing’s hands, his thumbs hooked in the grooves of the other man’s hip bones. 

 

Zhangjing has to press down on Yanjun’s hips to keep him from moving too much. While he has some experience in this department, he isn’t quite skilled enough yet to deal with anything that even remotely resembles “face-fucking”. Sure, it’s a bit difficult to keep the man still (Zhangjing lets him get away with some squirming, but applies a bit more pressure if the other starts moving too much), but he revels in the fact that Yanjun loses himself in the pleasure. 

 

It’s not long before Yanjun’s soft gasps turn into drawn out moans, his hands grasping for something to hold onto, eventually settling on gripping the sheets to the point where his knuckles turn white. “Zhangjing…” he whimpers, a warning that his climax his approaching. The addressed male’s eyes flicker up to meet Yanjun’s, which are barely open and watering. 

 

Zhangjing can tell Yanjun is holding himself back. The man attempts to signal that it’s okay to let go by taking him further in his mouth and massaging his inner thigh, but Yanjun doesn’t quite  understand. And so, Zhangjing pulls back, replacing his mouth with a hand. Yanjun would’ve sighed in relief if he wasn’t so busy chanting Zhangjing’s name like it was a mantra. Zhangjing silences him with a deep kiss which Yanjun returns with enthusiasm. Pretty soon, Yanjun leans back to let out a surprisingly high-pitched moan, his back arched and his head thrown back in pleasure. As Zhangjing strokes him to completion, he peppers his lover’s neck in kisses while Yanjun’s sounds get caught in his throat. 

 

“Fuck,” Yanjun pants out when he finally relaxes against the mattress, looking entirely spent. The man moves to finally undo the button on Zhangjing’s  ~~ now incredibly uncomfortable ~~ pants, but upon seeing that Yanjun’s energy is completely drained, Zhangjing takes his hand and intertwines their fingers. When Yanjun glances up at him in confusion, Zhangjing replies with a soft smile, “You’re tired, it’s okay. Besides, I think you’ve done enough for your first time with any of this.” Yanjun looks like he wants to say something, but Zhangjing simply kisses him again  before sliding off the bed.

 

“Where are you going?” Yanjun sits up immediately, a panicked look on his face which floods Zhangjing’s insides with guilt even though he wasn’t planning on leaving. “Don’t worry baby, I’m just going to get something to clean you up with,” he smiles again to put the man at ease before disappearing into the bathroom. When he returns it’s with a few tissues and a wet washcloth. 

 

After wiping off Yanjun’s stomach and tossing the tissues into the trash, Zhangjing strips off his pants before returning to bed. With a wide grin on his lips, he lays beside Yanjun and pulls the man into his arms. “Let’s wait until morning to shower, okay? I’m tired,” he kisses the man’s cheek and closes his eyes, happy to finally be able to hold Yanjun like this. The other soon follows suit, drifting off to sleep in a manner of minutes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooah so what do you guys think?? As always, comments are appreciated!
> 
> If you ever want to talk with me or share your own fics, feel free to talk to me on twitter! (please I literally have like one follower and the only person I talk to on their is lost_stickie_note lol)
> 
> twitter:   
> https://twitter.com/meiyouzhangjing   
> ( @meiyouzhangjing )


	11. Chapter Eleven Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF so it's been a while... I just want to say that I'm extremely sorry for taking so long to update. I realize that a lot of you have probably lost interest in this fic, but for those of you who have stuck around for the new chapter I am very very grateful for you! It's not that good of an excuse and really I should have explained myself earlier, but I've been so incredibly busy this semester and haven't had the motivation to write anything. Now that I'm on break, I think it's easier to focus on stuff like this. Good news is that I got all A's in my classes! Bad news is that I've been neglecting this fic! Again, thanks to those who stuck around. This is the first part of chapter eleven, the second part will be posted as soon as I can finished writing. The first part is a bit boring, but I promise it's building up to something more interesting! Anyway, enjoy reading!
> 
> (P.S. I've went back through this fic and noticed a lot of errors, so I'm going to go through and correct those! For some reason I made it snowing on KunKun's birthday even though it's in August?? lmao don't ask me why I did that because I have no idea)

“Yanjun…” said male groans while his brows furrow, almost as if he was in pain. Zhangjing would have felt sorry for him if they didn’t have more pressing matters to attend to. He tries again, “Yanjun…” The other is having none of it, making a non committal grunt in the back of his throat and with a huff he hurls his body to the side, rolling over to turn his back towards the man whose efforts to soil his sweet sweet slumber would not be easily forgiven.

 

Zhangjing leaves him after that, but when he returns it’s with a fiery vengeance. Or, well, a watery one. “Excuse me?!” Yanjun whips around to give his boyfriend an incredulous look, bangs matted down to his forehead while droplets of water cascade down his cheek, dropping down once they meet each other at the base of his chin. Zhangjing offers no words, but raises his eyebrow and pops his hip to the side, tapping his foot impatiently. Yanjun’s eyes follow the contours of his body, eventually halting when they reach the empty bowl in his hand. “Um? What the hell dude, I’m all wet!” Yanjun whines, body still frozen with the shock from the absolute betrayal he felt towards his boyfriend. “Relax, we’re taking a shower now anyway, so you won’t be dry for long,” Zhangjing sets the bowl on the nightstand and crosses his arms over his chest. Now it’s Yanjun’s turn to raise an eyebrow, “Okay, I understand the need to take a shower, but may I ask why it’s so important that you wake me up in this manner?”

 

“We need to be at work in half an hour. Neither of us woke up because we passed out last night and I forgot to set my alarm. So uh, let’s get a move on, we don’t have much ti-” Before Zhangjing is able to finished his spiel, Yanjun expels the blankets from off the top of his body with a dramatic flare and bolts towards the bathroom.  Though their current situation is a bit dire, Zhangjing can’t help but let out a childish giggle. Seeing Yanjun’s naked body flailing around isn’t exactly new to him, but it’s still just as hilarious as the first time. 

 

Once stripped of his clothing, Zhangjing hops into the shower, goosebumps prickling his skin the second the icy water collides with his back. They’re quick to have their hands on eachother, Yanjun lathering Zhangjing’s hair in shampoo while the later scrubs at his boyfriend’s chest, trying his hardest not to let his thoughts drift into inappropriate places. The image resembles two monkeys picking at each other, which would be funny in any other context, but as time ticks by Zhangjing is finding less humor in the situation and is becoming more and more anxious. Will they make it on time? Not likely. However if they rush, they might be able to punctual to a point where no one would notice their absence. 

 

* * *

 

It’s after they dry off that Zhangjing remembers this isn’t his apartment he has no clean clothes. “Yanjun, help,” he pleads, looking helplessly around the closet, lost in a sea of clothes. Thankfully, his boyfriend soon comes to his aid. Yanjun knew his own clothes better than Zhangjing did, so it doesn’t take him long to find the most suitable outfit. However, after dressing himself, Zhangjing finds that it’s tight in all the wrong areas and longer in others. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have the time nor the patience to treat this like a fashion show and try on every article of clothing in Yanjun’s closet. He’ll have to make due with what he’s been given. His and Yanjun’s outfits are nearly identical, both in cotton blue button down shirts and black slacks. Yanjun’s shirt has a dinosaur pattern, while Zhangjing’s is a more simple micro dot design. 

 

“You ready?” Yanjun asks as soon as he’s finished tying his laces, somehow looking completely delectable at eight o’clock in the morning. Zhangjing likes that he hasn’t had time to style his hair because it looks so fluffy and cute whenever Yanjun let’s it air dry. “Y-yeah, sorry,” the man realizes he forgot to respond and gives his boyfriend a smile, “Let’s go. Maybe I can get Chaoze to distract Mr. Zhang or something if he walks by our cubicles?” “It’s worth a shot,” Yanjun sounds winded (probably from all the moving around he had to do scavenging his closet for Zhangjing’s clothes). As soon as he’s on his feet the two are pacing towards the front door, growling stomachs going completely ignored.  

 

After the third time dialing Chaoze’s number, Zhangjing gives up. “Maybe he’s working,” Zhangjing mumbles to himself, as unlikely as it sounds. Their luck hadn’t necessarily been the best today, so it doesn’t come as a surprise. When he glances over to where his boyfriend his seated on the driver’s side, Zhangjing frowns. “Lin Yanjun, where is your seatbelt?” he scolds, leaning over gear shift to buckle his boyfriend up. Honestly, Yanjun thinks this makes things a bit more dangerous (he can’t see a thing on the road with Zhangjing’s body blocking his view), but he doesn’t dare voice his opinion knowing that it only makes things worse when Zhangjing is this worked up.

 

* * *

 

The two are naive enough to think that they’ve gone unnoticed. No one looks up when they reach the fifth floor, much too occupied with their own work to give the couple so much as a glance. Yanjun smirks at the man to his side, showing off that perfect dimple that made Zhangjing weak in the knees. The shorter man tries his best to suppress his giggles, but is unable to stop himself when Yanjun lets out a much too audible sigh of triumph. Alas, their victory is short lived when a looming figure appears behind them. Even before Mr. Zhang clears his throat, the two know their in deep shit, already envisioning digging their own graves while their boss looks on with a disillusioned cloud cast over his eyes. “My office,” the man says walking past them with the vigour of a sloth, worn down by a week of disappointment in his employees. 

 

“Do you think we’d make it out alive if we ran right now?” Yanjun says in an all too serious tone, prompting a slap on the arm from the man beside him. “Yanjun, that’s not funny! We’re in trouble,” Zhangjing’s whisper shouts go unheard by his boyfriend who is much too busy giggling to be phased by their impending doom. Unamused by his the other’s man’s indifference to the whole situation, Zhangjing glares and crosses his arms over his chest. Yanjun shakes his head as his laughter dies down. “Relax babe, we’re only,” he glances down to his wrist watch, “twenty minutes late. What’s the worst that could happen?” Zhangjing raises an eyebrow, “You know who our boss is, right?” Yanjun considers his argument for a moment before offering the man a reassuring smile, “Stop worrying so much, Xiao You. Mr. Zhang is scary, but I’ve been on the receiving end of his wrath many more times than you. It’s really not that bad. He’s more bark than bite anyway.” Half of the instances Yanjun had been reprimanded at the office had resulted from taking the fall for Zhangjing. The older male decides not to mention this, but the thought brings a smile to his face. Yanjun mistakes this as Zhangjing finally agreeing to calm down and takes the man’s hand to drag him into Mr. Zhang’s office.

 

Sheep related knick-knacks clutter Mr. Zhang’s shelfs; the surplus that couldn’t fit neatly lined on top of the man’s desk. Zhangjing didn’t remember his boss’s collection being this huge, but come to think of it, he hadn’t really spent this much time in this room since he got hired. Once he glances towards Yanjun, who was seated beside him, he notices that he’d been distracted by the same thing. The thought makes him giggle, which by the looks of it, doesn’t make Mr. Zhang too happy. He had just been interrupted, after all. “You Zhangjing, if you’d focus, we could be finished with this much sooner. Honestly, I don’t know what’s gotten into you employees lately,” the older man sighs and rubs his temples, trying to soothe all of the stress that had already begun building up from the start of the work day. Zhangjing feels guilty. It’s a wonder that wrinkles were virtually absent from Mr. Zhang’s skin considering all the pressure he had been under lately. Not only does his employees ignore half of what he says, but recently the company had undergone a few financial challenges. The boss refused to lay someone off unless he absolutely needed to, so he had been spending a lot of time and effort trying to make things work on a lower budget. 

 

“Mr. Zhang,” Yanjun pipes up from beside Zhangjing, a charming smile pulling at his lips, “I promise this was just a fluke. It won’t happen again. We’ll work extra hard today to make up for it,” he reaches over to pat Mr. Zhang’s hand, which makes makes Zhangjing’s stomach flip with anxiety. He wants to turn to the man and ask what in the hell he thinks he’s doing, but is surprised to find that their boss seems oddly comforted by the gesture. Maybe Mr. Zhang was more stressed than he thought? 

 

After a moment of silence, their boss just nods, raising his eyebrows into that resigned expression he’d been wearing a lot lately. “Just don’t slack off today, alright?” the man waves his two employees off and the two promptly leave, Zhangjing dragging Yanjun out by his hand. “I swear to god if you ever make me sit through something like that ever again, I’m breaking up with you on the spot.” he grumbles, ignoring the friendly wave Linong sends them as they pass by Xukun’s desk. Yunjun sputters, looking as if he’d never been more offended in his life, “Excuse me? It’s not my fault that we both woke up late this morning!” Zhangjing tuts and shakes his head, “If you didn’t get me so hot and bothered yesterday, maybe I would have had the forethought to set an alarm.” While it’s not the response he expected, it leaves Yanjun satisfied enough to shut up, a smile gracing his lips.

 

* * *

 

“Sooo,” Chaoze pushes off his desk and wheels his swivel chair over to where Yanjun and Zhangjing are seated, a shit eating grin plastered on his face the whole way, “Did something happen last night that I should know about?” “What do you mean?” Zhangjing questions, eyes glued onto his computer screen as he tries to ignore the constant source of annoyance beside him. “Don’t be coy with me You ge, I see the way you two are glowing,” Chaoze pinches his friend’s cheek only to have his hand smacked away while he faces the wrath of Zhangjing’s glare. “Yanjun, can you tell your boyfriend to be less violent?” he pleads, swiveling around to face the other man. He is met with the sight of a red-faced Yanjun, lip caught in between his teeth as he tries to hold in an embarrassed laugh. 

 

“Eh? What’s gotten into you, huh? Don’t tell me you’re shy about this kind of thing,” Chaoze pats Yanjun’s cheek and laughs, having too much fun teasing his friends. Yanjun just smiles and tells Chaoze to go back to work, flicking the male in the space between his eyebrows. “Chaoze please stop harassing my boyfriend and do something useful for once,” Zhangjing opens up his most recent project in InDesign and starts pasting images into the blank spaces on the page. “Aww!” the addressed man squeals (being purposely annoying) and ruffles the couple’s hair, “so cute, Zhangjing, defending your  _ boyfriend _ ! I’m so proud of you guys for finally getting together!” He pulls his hands away before the two can hit him again, then makes a crinkles up his nose in disgust, “Ew, are you guys going to start being all gross and flirty now? Not like you weren’t before, but I don’t think I can stomach it if you guys are any more ‘romantic’.” 

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to remind Zhangjing how beautiful he is every five seconds~” Yanjun leans to the side and blows a kiss to his boyfriend, who just as dramatically sends one back to him. “Oof, I’m leaving before you start reciting some Shakespeare shit or something,” Chaoze grimaces and shakes his head before scooting back to his desk, leaving the two boys to flirt by themselves.  

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! By the way, would anyone here be interested in being conversation partners in Chinese? I don't want my skills to go away over break, so I think it would be a good idea to practice! You don't have to be super good in chinese, I'm just looking for someone to talk to! I don't know my HSK level, but I just finished Chinese 301 at my university, so that might be a good measure for figuring out how good my chinese is idk lol. Anyway, if you're interested, just leave a comment bellow and I can get into contact with you!


	12. Chapter Eleven Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF okay so quicker update this time! Hope it makes up for how long I took to update the last chapter! I might take a little bit for the chapter after this one, because I'm also busy with my Nine of Cups fics! Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. Please leave feedback in the comments if you'd like to! (THIS IS TOTALLY UNBETA'D DON'T JUDGE ME FOR MISTAKES IT'S 2AM)

While Chaoze knows the kissy faces are technically directed at Zhangjing and not him, the man feels like part of the reason Yanjun is being gross is because he wants to to mess with him. His theory is proven to be true when Zhangjing sneaks an embarrassed glance over in his direction while he slaps Yanjun on the shoulder. At this distance, Chaoze can’t hear what they’re whispering about, but he’s fairly certain Zhangjing is scolding his boyfriend for saying something flirtatious. 

 

This much, Chaoze thinks he can stomach. It’s when Zhangjing announces that he has to leave that Chaoze thinks he might gag. Yanjun spins his chair in his boyfriend’s direction and scoots close to him, jutting his lips forward into a pout. “How long are you going to be gone, babe?” he bemoans, grabbing Zhangjing’s hand as the male rises to his feet. “I’m not sure. Jeffrey said he hasn’t gotten much done on this project because he’s been so busy doing everything else. I feel bad for him. I’m going to try and do as much as I can to shorten his workload,” Zhangjing replies, folding his laptop before stowing it away in his bag. “Kisses?” Yanjun spins to face him and cranes his neck upwards, wearing a pout. “I’ll try and finish soon,” Zhangjing leans down to pecks his lips, which earns him a dimpled smile. “Byebye,” Yanjun sings, the word echoed by his boyfriend as he waves farewell, disappearing down the hallway. 

 

Is he still disgusted? Yes, but Chaoze can’t deny that the scene warms his heart. Having been Yanjun’s roommate all throughout university, Chaoze was there to see his friends’ relationship blossom into something special. At that time, Chaoze couldn’t ascertain what could possibly be the catalyst for their friendship. The two seemed so different, what brought them together was and still is a mystery to Chaoze. Whatever it was, it must have been special because the bond shared between the two men was uniquely close. Chaoze had prided himself on being the first to notice the chemistry between the two. Hell, he knew about their mutual crushing years before the two realized their own feelings. He had been eagerly waiting for their feelings to come bubbling to the surface. It was only a matter of time before Lin Yanjun and You Zhangjing to get together. 

 

Of course, Chaoze would never let the two of them discover him getting sentimental, but he felt a warm sense of pride when he first saw the two holding hands as a couple. His babies! Finally grown up! Was it appropriate for him to call them babies when he was the youngest? Maybe not, but frankly Chaoze didn’t care. He was Zhangjing’s personal psychologist anyway, so he was allowed to feel paternal towards his two friends. 

 

Back when he and Yanjun were roommates, Chaoze rarely, if ever, saw the man smiling when Zhangjing wasn’t around. Yanjun was never open about his feelings, but it didn’t take a genius to recognize that he was in a dark place. Zhangjing seemed to be that one thing keeping him together. The few times Chaoze attempted to offer his counsel, Yanjun was a brick wall, refusing to acknowledge that any misfortune existed in his life. When he’d gone to Zhangjing for advice, the man explained that Yanjun was a private person. Opening himself up wasn’t an easy task and it had only happened a few times with others aside from Zhangjing. 

 

Now, Yanjun sat at his desk, smiling to himself as he types away at his computer. Chaoze suspects that his newly entered relationship has somehow given him the motivation to work harder. Maybe it’s just the overall positive mood he’s in today? Either way, Yanjun seems busy diligently working on his project, actually being productive for once. The only pause he seems to take is when his cell phone starts vibrating in his pocket, muffled in the confines of his pocket. At first, he looks as if he’s going to just ignore it, since he lets it go to voicemail. However, once he gets a second call, Yanjun finally fishes the device out and holds it up to his face to glance over the screen. The man looks perplexed as he slowly rises to his feet, brows furrowed as he presses his lips into a thin line. Whatever it is, it seems important, because the man is soon heading down the hallway, finally accepting the call.

 

* * *

 

Chaoze is on a roll with his project, so he doesn’t think about Yanjun’s phone call until the man returns much later, all color flushed from his face. He looks zoned out, slowly stalking towards his desk before he eventually plops down into his chair. Though it’s a bit concerning, Chaoze turns back to his work not wanting to ruin his creative streak since he’s been so productive today. When Chaoze finally turns back to check on the man, Yanjun is in the same position he was in last time, hunched over and staring at his phone all while not moving an inch. At this point, Chaoze is concerned. Sure, it wasn’t unusual for Yanjun to do anything but his work while at the office, but compared to earlier, the atmosphere around him is completely different. 

 

Maybe it was better to leave it alone? Every one of Chaoze’s attempts to pry something out of Yanjun in the past five years have failed. The man refused to speak with him about his problems, much to Chaoze’s frustration, so he doesn’t think an attempt now will be any more successful. When Zhangjing returns, Yanjun is, for the most part, back to normal. He plays footsie with Zhangjing under their desks, doodles on his notes, and twirls his boyfriend’s hair around his fingers.

 

Yanjun seems to get along fine until Zhangjing scolds him for being a distraction and turns back towards his laptop. Yanjun’s many attempts to pester and bait him into a new conversation go ignored. That’s when Yanjun starts to become restless. Chaoze notices him fidgeting in his seat, tapping a pen against the surface of his desk as his leg bounces up and down. 

 

After five agonizingly long minutes, Yanjun eventually gets up and taps Zhangjing on the shoulder. “I’ll be back,” he tells the man softly, a tight smile on his face. Zhangjing smiles back and squeezes his boyfriend’s hand, looking oblivious to whatever turmoil is wreaking havoc on Yanjun’s mind. Seconds later, Yanjun is gone, having quickly escaped through the elevator.

 

* * *

 

He’s out by the curb smoking when Chaoze finds him. They’re behind the building, an area slightly less inhabited by people. There’s an illusion of privacy, the office windows sitting an angle the provides a strong glare, making it almost impossible to see inside. It’s mostly quiet except for the muted sounds of traffic along with the clicking of stone against asphalt as Yanjun’s shoe languidly chases a rock, kicking it around. The man carries himself with a swagger of indifference, but upon closer inspection Chaoze can see the cigarette trembling between his fingers. When he holds the filter up to his lips, eyes flitting around the parking lot aimlessly, his shaking is even more obvious. 

 

“I thought you quit that sophomore year,” Chaoze approaches him cautiously, voice carrying a hint of his typical light tone, but serious enough to insinuate that he’s not here for small talk. Yanjun looks embarrassed, cheeks coloring slightly as a melancholic smile stretches his lips. “Picked it up again I guess,” he shrugs, finally punting the rock out of range, too far to bother with trying to reach again. Afterwards, an awkward air disperses between them, both men allowing the silence to drag on while trying to muster up the courage to speak. 

 

The shorter is first to break the silence. “You alright? You looked kind of out of it earlier,” Chaoze remarks, trying to catch Yanjun’s eyes. The other makes an effort to keep his line of sight unobstructed, twisting slightly on the ball of his feet. “Oh that? Yeah I’m fine, it’s nothing,” he keeps up his charade, maintaining an air of innocence that Chaoze know’s is supposed to convince him to drop the subject all together. Unfortunately for Yanjun, Chaoze isn’t one to give up that easily, stubbornness being one of the traits that they shared. 

 

“Yanjun,” Chaoze’s tone is chiding, sounding almost exasperated as the man folds his arms over his chest. “I know I usually try to act aloof during these situations because you usually resolve them with Zhangjing, but I’m concerned. Something’s bothering you and I want to give you the chance to vent about it since you didn’t seem to keen on doing so with your boyfriend earlier,” he frowns, feeling more upset when Yanjun still won’t face him. Chaoze takes a step forward to reach for him, but when Yanjun flinches slightly, he softens. “Hey,” he murmurs, carefully grabbing placing a hand on Yanjun’s shoulder before giving it a gentle squeeze, “you don’t have to say anything your uncomfortable with. I’m just worried about you is all.”

 

Yanjun takes a second to devise a response. His occupied hand rises slowly to once again push his cigarette against his plush lips before he takes a drag. “Fuck,” Yanjun rubs his eyes with the back of his sleeve and breathes out slowly, hyping himself up to speak. His face is flushed now, lip pulled tightly between his teeth as he anxiously taps his foot against the pavement. “My mom is sick,” he finally admits, the soles of his shoes scraping gently as he turns to face his coworker, “I have to go see her in a few days and I’m fucking scared.” He speaks almost matter-of-factly, but the expression in his worn out eyes exposes all of his internalized anxiety.

 

“To see her sick? It’s normal to be that way Yanjun, you don’t have to be embarrassed. And don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll be okay,” Chaoze rubs the taller male’s arm and offers him a smile. Of course, he can guarantee his mother’s health, but Chaoze knew that it was his job at the moment to provide comfort for his friend. “That’s not-” Yanjun lets out a heavy sigh, one that’s shaky and seems to dry out his throat. His eyes, wet with frustration, don’t go ignored by Chaoze. When he doesn’t get a response (Chaoze is looking at him patiently, giving him all the time in the world to collect himself), Yanjun decides to clarify. “I’m scared to see  _ her _ ,” he admits and Chaoze doesn’t quite understand, but he suspects it’s something Yanjun doesn’t feel comfortable sharing (if his stiff posture is anything to go by). Maybe this would be better handled by Yanjun’s boyfriend?

 

“Do you want me to get Zhangjing?” Chaoze asks, already moving to head towards the doors. A tug on his wrist jerks him back and Yanjun meets his eyes for the first time during Chaoze’s little “intervention”. “Don’t,” Yanjun pleads, fingers still curled tightly around the fabric of Chaoze’s dress shirt. “I um…” he starts to explain, but his words are difficult to hear, almost coming out in a whisper, “I want to start being a better friend to Zhangjing. It’s not fair to dump all of my misery onto him when I’m barely making an effort to figure things out on my own. I need to stop using him as just a shoulder to cry on, you know? Seeing me all wrapped up in my despair half the time we’re together probably isn’t much of a mood booster. He deserves a day off from babysitting my emotions.” 

 

While Chaoze respects the sentiment, this whole “mother” thing seems like something that is really bothering Yanjun. Hoping he isn’t pushing it, the man decides to get a bit more information out of him. “Is your relationship with your mom not good or something?” his voice is cautious, knowing he could be venturing into a touchy subject. Yanjun seems to shut down after that, eyes practically glued to the ground as he scuffs his shoe against the blacktop. The chances of him opening his mouth to speak on the subject appear slim and Chaoze isn’t sure how long he waits before Yanjun decides to speak, but it feels like an eternity. 

 

“I don’t want to say anything but…” he hesitates for a moment, sounding like he’s still having an internal debate on whether or not he should continue, “If you want to talk to Zhangjing about it, you can…” Chaoze is surprised by the man’s trust in his boyfriend to speak on these matters for him, but he supposes it makes sense. Yanjun isn’t good at expressing himself, so Zhangjing can act as sort of a middleman to help him talk about his problems. “Okay, I’ll think about that, but don’t feel afraid to come to me if you ever want to talk about this stuff. I’ll never judge you, okay? You’re a really important friend to me,” Chaoze shocks Yanjun by bringing him into a hug, judging by the slight flinch he felt when Chaoze’s arms wrapped around him. 

 

By how Yanjun is sniffling. Chaoze can tell that the man is crying, but allows him privacy by waiting until he’s finished to pull away. When he does, Yanjun immediately turns around, hand flying up to wipe his cheeks with his sleeve. “I’m going back to work, but stay out here as long as you need to, okay? I’ll cover for you if anyone asks where you are,” Chaoze squeezes Yanjun’s shoulder and rubs his back a bit before finally heading back towards the doors. “Thanks,” Yanjun croaks as the other wraps his fingers around the door handle. “No problem,” Chaoze smiles, then leaves Yanjun behind, walking back inside the office.

 

* * *

 

Yanjun returns about fifteen minutes later, eyes dried and a smile back on his face. He walks by Zhangjing’s desk nonchalantly, running his fingers through the man’s hair before taking his seat next to him. “Hey Yanjunnie,” the man’s eyes stay glued on his screen, but he smiles and reaches his hand out for his boyfriend’s. Yanjun of course takes it, already feeling his body relax at the touch.

 

They both remain focused on their work for a few more minutes before Zhangjing finally gets to a stopping point and asks Yanjun to scoot closer to him. Thinking nothing of it, Yanjun follows the orders and let’s Zhangjing rest his head on his bicep, a gentle smile on his lips. Minutes pass by and Yanjun quietly watches his boyfriend work (it’s not like he was being productive anyway, so he doesn’t see it as a waste of time). Faintly, he hears the sound of Zhangjing sniffing and looks down at him with a confused expression, raising an eyebrow when he sees the man’s nose buried into his shirt. Seconds later, Zhangjing looks up at him with a frown, the expression on his face showing how obviously disheartened he is. 

 

“Talk to me after work,” Zhangjing wraps himself around his boyfriend’s arm and holds it tight to his body, brow knitting in worry. “Oh,” Yanjun’s stomach sinks when he finally realizes, knowing he had forgotten to cover up his little mistake, “yeah, okay…”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> want to give Yanjun all the hugs :(


End file.
